P.A.-P.H.D. Chocolate Bacon Muffins

     During a recent conversation on Facebook someone mentioned wanting Chocolate, someone else mentioned wanting Bacon, and I figured that, since that pairing has recently become trendy, and I like muffins, fuck it time for Chocolate Bacon Muffins. The name is a tribute to a woman I barely know, have only met once, but whom I have had some very fine online discourse with over the years, and upon whose Facebook wall the initial conversation appeared.

Here's What You'll Need:
8 Ounces of Applewood Smoked Bacon
1 3/4 Cups Flour
1 Cup Chocolate Chips
1 Cup Milk
3/4 cup Sugar
1/3 Cup Bacon Grease
3 Tablespoons Hershey's Special Dark Cocoa Powder
1 Egg
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
2 Teaspoons Instant Coffee
1 Teaspoon Applewood Smoked Sea Salt (Plus more to finish)
1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1/2 Teaspoon Baking Soda

Here's What You'll Do:
1. Using scissors, cut your Bacon into 1/4 inch squares, and fry over medium heat until crispy.
2. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
3. Separate your bacon from it's grease and allow both to cool for several minutes.
4. Combine 1/3 of a cup of your bacon grease (if you don't get enough while frying your bacon, either make up the difference with butter, or fry yourself some extra bacon...) with 1/2 a cup of chocolate chips and all of your sugar.
5. Microwave on high for 30 seconds then whisk until your chocolate and sugar fully dissolve.
6. Whisk in your Vanilla Extract, Milk, and Egg.
7. Add the rest of your Chocolate Chips and 3/4 of your bacon pieces, then stir to combine.
8. In a separate bowl, combine your Flour, Coffee, Baking Powder, Baking Soda, Cocoa Powder, and Salt, then whisk to combine.
9. Using a silicone spatula, add your wet ingredients to your dry ingredients.
10. Stir until the mixture is just coming together, that means there WILL be liquidy pocket, there WILL be lumps, and there WILL be areas of dry Flour. Do not continue to fucking mix it! This is exactly how it is supposed to be.
11. Grease and Flour a standard 12 cup Muffin tin, or spray it down with Bakers Joy.
12. Using a spoon, or you know, whatever works for you, scoop the batter into your Muffin Tin, trying your best to keep it distributed evenly.
13. Add the final 1/4 of your Bacon, distributed evenly across the tops of all your prospective Muffins, and sprinkle each lightly with Applewood Smoked Sea Salt.
14. Bake for 20 minutes, rotating your pan at the 10 minute mark to ensure that they cook evenly.
15. Allow to cool completely (really, just wait FFS, I know they smell good.)
16. Pop loose from their little steel beds and devour ravenously.

Notes: Some of you may wonder why 'Preheat' comes in as step two in this recipe. The answer is simple, I'm using a 400 degree oven in August, I don't want that thing on any longer than absolutely needed, if I do more Muffins in December you'll notice the difference.

Bonus Points: Split one of those tiny brown bad asses in half and spread on a little Nutella. Or better yet, Dobrova, which tastes just like Nutella, but is considerably cheaper.

Baba Yaga Ganoush

     Smooth with a subtle smokiness and a lingering bite, our Baba Yaga Ganoush  is a great dip or sandwich topper, low in calories and fat and high in flavor. If you're wondering why I related this Middle-Eastern favorite with a Russian folk tale I have just three words for you, "Mortar and Pestle." Look it up.

Here's What You'll Need:

1 Large Eggplant (about a pound and a half)
2 Tablespoons Tahini
2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
3 Cloves of Garlic
1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
1 Tablespoon Black Sesame Seeds
2 Teaspoons Applewood Smoked Sea Salt
1/2-1 Teaspoon Habenero Powder

Here's What You'll Do:


1. Poke holes all across the skin of your Eggplant with a fork, the more holes the smokier your Baba will taste.
2a. (For those with an Electric Stove) On a foil lined cookie sheet place your Eggplant under your Broiler on high, rotating every few minutes to evenly blacken the skin. The longer you go with this step the more of a smokey flavor your Baba will develop as the smoke from the burnt outer skin makes its way in through your previously poked air holes.
2b. (For those with a Gas Stove) Using tongs (and an oven mitt, I hope you guys already knew this part) rotate your Eggplant over a medium flame from one of your burners allowing the skin to blacken evenly.
3. Bake your Eggplant for 20-30 minutes at 375 degrees Fahrenheit until tender enough that a fork meets little resistance at the center.
4. Allow to cool. And scoop the insides into your largest Mortar and Pestle (or Food Processor if you're feeling lazy) and grind to a paste with all other ingredients, saving the Sesame Seeds for last and just giving them a quick stir in.
5. Gobble that shit down on some crackers, or tortilla chips, or even the traditional flat bread of your choice.

Berry Blast Cheesecake (No-Bake Recipe)

     There are two kinds of cheesecake, excellent, and even more excellent. A plain cheesecake, whether baked, or no-bake is an indulgent delight, melting on the tongue and sending your spirit soaring like a bird on wing. This recipe takes those hall mark traits and adds the subtle joy of a summer day spent berry picking, so, you know, Fuck Yeah!

Here's What You'll Need: For the Berry Sauce
1/2 Cup Raspberries
1/4 Cup Blackberries
2 Tablespoons Blackberry Preserves
2 Tablespoons Powdered Sugar
2 Tablespoons Cornstarch

Here's What You'll Do: For the Berry Sauce

1. Put everything in a blender or food processor
2. Blend on high until smooth and glossy

Here's What You'll Need: For the Cheesecake
16 Ounces of Cream Cheese (At Room Temperature)
8 Ounces of Cool Whip
1 Cup Powdered Sugar
3/4 Cup Corn Starch
1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

Here's What You'll Do: For the Cheesecake
1. Combine all of your wet ingredients on a large bowl and mix until smooth and creamy. (I recommend a mixer for this, but you're free to develop Carpal Tunnel if that's what you're into...)
2. Slowly add your dry ingredients until the mixture reaches a thick enough consistency that when you pull the beaters out it forms stiff peaks, like tasty little mountain ranges.
3. Pour half of your Berry Sauce into the mixture and gently fold in until it is mostly combined but still has the occasional swirl.
4.Using a spatula  transfer the mixture into a Graham Cracker or Cookie Crust and cover with plastic wrap.
5. Refrigerate for 30 minutes to allow mixture to set.
6. Slice.
7. Drizzle each slice with a little of the remaining Berry Sauce, possibly garnishing with left over Berries or shiny foil wrapped candies that provide color contrast for the pictures you will randomly be taking.
8. Enjoy... like I have to tell you to enjoy Cheesecake...

Extremely Pretentious Cupcakes

     Why did I name this 'Extremely Pretentious Cupcakes,' instead of doing what I normally do and giving it a weird, quirky, or lets face it, extremely pretentious name? Because honestly when I finished sorting out what they would be called if I just used a little truth in advertising, I realized they would be Orange Cardamom Cupcakes with Orange Blossom infused Lavender Buttercream Frosting. And since I can't say that without feeling like I should be wearing a sweater vest and lampooning my hedge fund manager at 'The Club,' I figured it was better to make fun of myself openly than to have to shake my head and call myself a dumb ass everytime I looked through my posts forever.

Here's What You'll Need for the Cupcakes:

1 Cup White Sugar
1/2 Cup Butter
1/2 Cup of Milk
2 Eggs
2 Teaspoons Orange Extract
1 1/2 Cups All Purpose Flour
1 Tablespoon Cardamom
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
1 Teaspoon Orange Zest

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit
2. Cream together your Eggs and Butter in a large bowl.
3. Mix in the rest of your wet ingredients till fully combined.
4. In a separate bowl mix together all of your dry ingredients.
5. Combine wet and dry ingredients.
6. Line a Muffin Pan with Paper Muffin Cups
7. Evenly split your batter between the muffin cups, they should each be about 2/3 full.
8. Bake for 20-25 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center of each comes out clean.
9. Allow to cool completely and then frost.

     The Extremely Pretentious Frosting I'm giving you the recipe for is NOT the same as the one I made. And here's why: Do you remember the advice I gave for using new spices in On the Topic of: Seasoning? If not reread that real quick and you'll know why I reduced the amount of Lavender in the recipe I'm about to give you by 1/2. I really should have listened to my own advice on that one, wow. On the other hand, if you want to feel like Spring had an after party in your mouth then moved it upstairs to your sinuses for an orgy feel free to go ahead and double up on the lavender.

Here's What You'll Need for the Frosting:

1 Cup(2 Sticks) Softened Butter
1 1/2 Teaspoons Lavender Petals
1 Tablespoon Orange Blossom Water (Also a new ingredient for me, check Wal-Marts Middle Eastern Section)
4 Cups Powdered Sugar

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Crush the Lavender Petals, you can use a spoon against the side of the bowl, a food processor, or a mortar and pestle is you are old fashioned.
2. Mix the Lavender with your Softened Butter and Orange Blossom Water . You probably already know this, but someone else reading this recipe doesn't, so here goes: Softened Butter is about room temperature. It is a soft squishable goop. It is NOT the same as Melted Butter, which is, well, melted... into a liquid.
3. Slowly mix in your powdered sugar.
4. Allow to set for at least 10 minutes in the refridgerator to allow the flavors to blend.

Lector Loaf

                                                           Pictured with our Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce, also, with some Peas.

     Tired of those Lambs always screaming in the back of your mind? Waking you up from a sound sleep to a world of cold sweats and kidnapped girls? Show those little woolly bastards who is boss by cramming a little of our delightful Lector Loaf through your face plate.

Here's What You'll Need:

1 Pound Ground Lamb
2/3 Cup Plain Bread Crumbs
1 Small Yellow Onion (Minced)
1/2 Green Pepper (Diced)
3 Large Mushrooms (Sliced)
2 Eggs
1 Tablespoon Tahini
1 Tablespoon Garlic Powder
2 Teaspoons Black Pepper
1 Teaspoon Kosher Salt
1 Teaspoon Sage
1/2 Teaspoon Rosemary

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Preheat oven to 350 Degrees Fahrenheit.
2. Mix everything together thoroughly.
3. Form it into a block approximately 6 inches by 8 inches and 1 inch thick and place on a cookie sheet.
4. Bake for 30-35 minutes.
5. Slice and enjoy!

Graham Cracker or Cookie Crust

     Pie crust can be a make it or break it factor when you want to really impress someone with your culinary expertise, but that doesn't mean it has to be difficult. A little, and I mean a VERY little work, and some forethought are all it takes to turn an ordinary Pie or Cheesecake into something that gets trumpets played when you enter a room. And here's how: once you decide what king of pie you want to make really consider the crust for a few minutes. A traditional fruit pie is usually best suited to a traditional crust, there are a million places to find recipes for traditional crust, so I won't bore you with it here. But chocolate pies, cream pies, anything outside the narrow mold of the traditional deserves a little something extra. That's where Graham Cracker and Cookie crusts come in, they add a flavorful base to showcase the wonders of your pie. Think of the overall layout of flavors you're trying to build, does your big bold filling require a big bold crust to balance it out, or does it need a more subtle pairing to showcase its power? Once you've decided that peruse your local grocers cookie aisle, or if you are an obsessed baker with cookies on hand *tries whistling non-chalantly* decide which option best suits. Oh, and one caveat, steer away from any cookie that has chocolate chips, or little candies of any sort in them, the candy will melt to your pan and make the crust fall all to Hell when you try to serve your pie. Then it's on to the extremely easy part, making the crust.

Here's What You'll Need:

1 1/2 or 2 Cups of thoroughly crushed Graham Crackers or Cookies (Crushed BEFORE you measure.)
4 Tablespoons of Melted Butter

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit
2. Mix both of your ingredients until fully moistened.
3. Press mixture evenly into the bottom of a pie pan, or spring form cake pan.
4. Bake for 5 minutes.
5. Allow to cool.
6. That's it.
7. No more instructions.

Mochanut Pie

     Chocolate, Coffee, Coconut, Crust, four C's worth sailing in my opinion, if you care about my opinion. Better yet if you can take them all in one trip to tantalize the taste buds and titillate the tongue, and my Mochanut Pie is just the ship to sail you there .

Here's What You'll Need:

3 Cups Heavy Cream (1 Cup Reserved)
1/2 Sugar
1/2 Cup Toasted Coconut (Reserved)
1/2 cup Chocolate Syrup
3 Packets Hot Cocoa Mix
8 Tablespoons cornstarch (Reserved)
3 Tablespoons Instant Coffee (This is optional, but it's exclusion would make it a Choconut Pie, you can't have Mocha without Coffee.)
1 Graham Cracker or Cookie Crust (Store bought also works)

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Mix all ingredients except those reserved in a medium sauce pan and place over medium heat, stirring frequently.
2. In a small bowl mix reserved Heavy Cream and Cornstarch until fully integrated. Make certain your crust is sitting nearby.
3. When the contents of the sauce pan reach a boil add the Cream and Cornstarch mixture and whisk as though your life depends on it until the mixture is the consistency of thick pudding.
4. Pour immediately into your crust.
5. Sprinkle Toasted Coconut over the top of the pie and gently press down to insure that the Coconut sticks to the surface of the filling.
6. Allow to cool for 30-60 minutes, until the filling is warm, but not hot, then wrap in plastic wrap and chill in the fridge for at least 8 hours.
7. Cut into no fewer than 6 pieces ( Okay, this is really your call, but this pie is extremely heavy and rich, if you cut it in quarters you might as well schedule in a  delightful Chocolate Coma Time afterwards.)
8. Enjoy!

(Bonus Points: Sliced Almonds, Pecans, Peanuts, Chocolate Chips(you masochist), crumbled Oreo's, all make excellent additions in Step 5, or even Chopped Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans if you want to make people fawn over you and leave you uncomfortably intimate Thank You letters.)

Wait, is that Beef or Beets? and Cabbage Soup

     Well, after many minutes of staring, eyes watering at a much stained and wrinkled old recipe I found in my stack of culinary creations I determined that I had in fact written a pretty simple (though large portion) Beef and Cabbage Soup recipe, and not a recipe for Borscht, which I never recalled making, ever. But further thought and a look around at other Borscht recipes indicate that the Beef/Beets switch isn't outside of reason. Try it and let me know what you think.

Here's What You'll Need:

2 Pounds of Cabbage (Diced)
1 1/2 Pounds of Cubed Beef {or Beets (diced finely)} (Minced)
1 Pound of Carrots (Sliced)
10 Cups Water
3 Tbsp Beef Base
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
2 Tsp Fresh Minced Garlic
1 Tsp Garlic Powder
1 Tsp Onion Powder
1 Tsp Black Pepper

Here's What You'll Do:

1a. {With the Beets variation} Combine Water, Carrots, Beets, and all seasonings, boil for 30-50 minutes, beets take forever to get tender, make sure they are soft enough to at least poke a fork into before moving on to the next step.
2a. Add Cabbage and boil until cabbage is tender.
3a. (Probably) Enjoy that red shining bowl of goodness, remember, Beets are Natures Candy.

1b. {The 'b' is for Beef, get it? Don't worry, you'll be rolling on the floor laughing later.} Combine Water, Carrots, Cabbage, and all seasonings, boil until cabbage is tender.
2b. {Not making the obvious played out joke} Reduce heat to a simmer and add beef.
2c. This is where is gets a bit off my recipe card and into your hands. Beef is about the only meat conventionally seen in this country as having various degrees of cooked where it is edible. If you like your beef dripping with blood then this part shouldn't take all that long. A couple minutes will have that beef warm and somewhat ingrained with the surrounding flavors and it will be pretty damn good. But you can just as easily cook it until that meat is 'low and slow'ed to bits floating in your broth, and that can also be pretty damn tasty. That's all on you now.

Also, just because I like it and it seems appropriate Killer Tofu by The Beets

Pina Colada Chicken

     A refreshingly light and sweet dish, our Pina Colada Chicken is a great reminder that Spring is always right around the corner.

Here's what you'll need:
2 Pounds Chicken Breast (Cut lengthwise into strips)
2 Cup Flaked Coconut
1 Cup Pineapple Juice
1 Cup White Flour
2 Ounces Malibu Coconut Rum
2 Large Eggs
1 Teaspoon Salt
On the side:
1 Can of Crushed Pineapple

Here's What you'll do:

1. Combine Pineapple Juice,Salt, and Rum in a zip lock bag and mix well to make a marinade.
2. Add Chicken Strips to your Marinade making sure to squeeze all the air from the bag and refrigerate for 20-25 minutes. (Any longer and a chemical in the Pineapple Juice will cause the chicken to become tough.
3. In a large bowl combine the Coconut and Flour. In a separate bowl scramble the eggs.
4. Remove Chicken from marinade and thoroughly coat each piece in egg.
5. Place each piece separately into the Flour and Coconut mixture, cover each piece with a loose pile of the mix and press down firmly to adhere the breading to the chicken.
6. Fry over medium heat until both sides of each piece are golden brown and chicken has reached a core temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit.
7.  Serve with a side of Crushed Pineapple for dipping.

Harvest Time Corn Cake

     This is a pretty recent recipe for me, something I made a week back for a few friends when they were over to play Dungeons and Dragons. It's lightly sweet, filling, and a definite change of pace from the regular day to day sweets.

Here's what you'll need:

2 Cups Self Rising Corn Bread Mix
1 1/3 Cup Milk
2 Fresh Golden Delicious Apples
2 Fresh Peaches (Or try substituting Bartlett Pears)
1/2 a Stick of Butter
1/4 Cups of White Sugar
1/4 Cup Honey
1/4 Cup Vegetable Oil
1/4 Cup Spiced Rum
1 Large Egg
2 Tablespoons of Brown Sugar
2 Teaspoons of Cinnamon

Here's what you'll do:

1. Preheat your oven to 450degrees Fahrenheit.
2. Peel and slice the Apples and Peaches and place at the bottom of a deep pre-greased casserole dish. (Though I suppose you could dice them, if you were so inclined.)
3. Combine the  Butter, Honey, Rum, Brown Sugar, and Cinnamon in a medium sauce pan.
4. Bonus points: Add Pecans or Walnuts to the sauce, about 1/2 cup chopped ought to do it. 
5. Place over medium heat  stirring frequently until the sugar has completely dissolved.
6. Pour mixture into the casserole dish over the sliced fruit.
7. Combine all other ingredients in a large mixing bowl to form a batter. (If you're really careful you can probably use a medium bowl without making too much stuff slopping out, but you're basically just dumping stuff on the counter if you try to use a small bowl, which is alright if you just want to make a mess and not a cake.)
8. Pour into your prepared casserole dish.
9. Bake for 20-25 minutes.
10. Allow to cool for 10-15 minutes, then gently tip out onto a cutting board or plate.
11. Slice into 8 pieces and serve. Best served warm.(Or, if you're like me, 7 pieces, with one piece being roughly 1/4 of the cake, then save that piece for yourself, after all, you just did all that cooking and you deserve a reward.)

Mumbo Gumbo

     Ah Gumbo, a spicy Southern Treat that is the perfect pick me up to fight off those Winter is Coming Blues. This recipe was a huge hit at the last restaurant I worked at, far to the North near the shores of Lake Erie where the winters send snow drifts that blockade the doors of your home and winds that coat you in ice between your house and your mailbox. People used to clamor in bundled head to toe in 4 layers of clothing and 3 layers of ice and leave dripping sweat and steaming after a bowl of my Mumbo Gumbo.

Here's what you'll need:

2 Pounds Finely Chopped Onions

1 1/2 Pounds Cubed Chicken Breast 

1 1/2 Pounds Finely Chopped Tomatoes

1/2 Pound Peeled and Deveined Shrimp

1/2 Pound Spicy Ground Sausage

1 Cup water

3/4 Cup Franks Red Hot Sauce

1/8 Cup Yellow Mustard

2 Sliced Red Bell Peppers

2 Sliced Green Bell Peppers

2 Sliced Yellow Bell Peppers

2 Sliced Orange Bell Peppers

2 Tablespoons Butter

1 Tablespoon Blackened Red Fish Magic (Available in most Kroger spice aisles)

1 Tablespoon Garlic Powder

1 Tablespoon Onion Powder

1 Teaspoon Black Pepper

1/2 Teaspoon Salt

1/2 Teaspoon Cayenne Pepper

1/4 Teaspoon Thyme

Here's What you'll do:

1. Combine all ingredients except Chicken, Sausage, Peppers, Butter, and Shrimp in a large stock pot .
2. Place over Medium heat and bring to a boil.
3. Immediately reduce heat to a low simmer.
4. Simmer for 3-4 hours stirring every few minutes, vegetables should have liquified.
5. If sauce has any chunks liquify in a Blender or Food Processor and return to heat.
6. In a medium frying pan combine the Butter, Sausage, Peppers, and Chicken Breast and cook until meat is nearly finished cooking.
7. Add Shrimp to frying pan, cook until Shrimp is completely cooked through. (Core Temperature of 145 Degrees Fahrenheit.)
8. Strain Contents of frying pan and add to sauce in stock pot.
9. Continue to simmer over low heat for 30 minutes.
10. Serve over Rice, Noodles, or even all by itself.

Ginger Crusted Chicken

     Fast, easy, and with a distinctive Oriental flair, this is a dish to impress friends, family, or co-workers with at your next function.

Here's what you'll need:
8 Chicken legs
8 Tablespoons Brown Sugar
2 Teaspoons Ginger
2 Teaspoons Vanilla Extract
2 Teaspoons Sesame Seed Oil
2 Teaspoons Red Food Coloring (Is food coloring cheating? Maybe. But damn does it look nice.)
1 Teaspoon Salt
1 Teaspoon Black Pepper
1 Teaspoon Cardamom (yeah, this one is a bit expensive, but a little goes a long way, so that bottle should last a while)
1 Teaspoon Garlic Powder

Here's what you'll do:

1. Preheat Oven to 350 degrees Farenheit.
2. Rinse Chicken legs with cold water, pat dry with paper towels, and place on a baking sheet.
3. Combine all other ingredients in a bowl or Food Processor, they should form a red paste of medium thickness.
4. Spoon mixture liberally over chicken legs, making sure they are evenly coated.
5. Place tray on the middle rack of the oven and bake for 45-60 minutes, until chicken reaches an internal temperature of 165 degrees Farenheit.
6. Remove from oven and allow to rest for 3-5 minutes then serve.
7. At this point the chicken should be covered with a crisp red brown crust.

Wasabenero Sauce

     Indulgently sweet with a powerful spicy kick this sauce is great on anything from chicken fingers to vanilla ice cream.

Here's what you'll need:
1 Cup Corn Syrup (and 1/4 Cup reserved)
2 Ounces Minced Habenero Peppers (About 4 medium sized peppers.)
4 Tablespoons White Vinegar (And 1/4 cup reserved)
1 Tablespoon Ground Horseradish
1 Tablespoon S&B Prepared Wasabi(It's in a little green tube, available at Wal-Mart's Asian Foods section)
1/2 Teaspoon Flour
1/4 Teaspoon Cornstarch

Here's what you'll do:

1. Combine Habero Peppers, and Vinegar in a small saucepan and bring to a boil.
2. Immediately add Horseradish and Wasabi and return to boil for 30 seconds.
3. Add Corn Syrup and reduce heat. Mix reserved Vinegar, Corn Syrup, Flour, and Cornstarch in a separate bowl to make a thickener.
4. Cook for 4 minutes, stirring constantly.
5.  Pour mixture into a Food Processor and run on Highest setting for 1 minute.
6. Add thickener and return to pan.
7. Heat mixture to a boil over Medium Heat, stirring constantly.
8. Remove from heat when mixture reaches the consistency of chocolate syrup and has a bright but transparent green color. 
9. Cool and serve as an accompaniment to, well, a whole lot of things, experiment and enjoy.

Black Pepper Cranberry Glaze

     Sweet, Tangy, and Spicy this glaze does for Chicken and Turkey what our Burgundy Black Pepper Glaze does for Beef, adds many more layers of subtle flavor simply and effectively.

Here's what you'll need:
2 Cups of Cranberry Juice (1 Reserved)
3/4 Cup White Sugar
2 Tablespoons Cornstarch
2 Teaspoons of Black Pepper
1/2 Teaspoon Cayenne Pepper

Here's what you'll do:

1. Combine 1 Cup Cranberry Juice, Sugar, Black Pepper, and Cayenne Pepper in a Medium Saucepan and whisk together well.
2. Place over medium heat an bring to a boil, stirring frequently.
3. In a bowl, combine reserved Cranberry Juice and Cornstarch to make a thickener.
4. Slowly stir thickener into pot and whisk constantly until mixture reaches the thickness of pancake syrup.
5. Brush onto Chicken or Turkey.
6. Use immediately as it doesn't refrigerate well.

Burgundy Black Pepper Glaze

     Rich, savory, and just slightly spicy, this is the perfect accompaniment to any steak or roast, adding a surprising depth of flavor.

Here's what you'll need:
1/2 Cup of Burgundy
1/2 Cup of Water
1 Tablespoon of Beef Base (Bullion works almost as well)
1 Tablespoon Corn Starch
1 Teaspoon Black Pepper
1 Teaspoon Garlic Powder

Here's what you'll do:

1. Combine all ingredients in a Medium Saucepan and whisk together thoroughly.
2. Place over medium heat until sauce thickens to the consistency of pancake syrup.
3. Remove from heat and brush lightly over meat, just a little goes a long way.
4. Use sauce immediately as it doesn't refrigerate well.

     If Chicken or Turkey are more your thing, try our BlackPepper Cranberry Glaze.

Unstable Element Sauce

     Only make this sauce in a well ventilated area, wear protective eye-wear, and strongly consider the use of a gas mask or other respiratory filter while making it. I'm not joking.

Here's what you'll need:
3 Cups Franks Red Hot Sauce
1 Cup White Vinegar
1 Cup Pickled Jalapeno Peppers with Juice (Minced)
10 Small Habenero Peppers (Minced)
5 Red Chili Peppers (Minced)
5 Green Chili Peppers (Minced)
2 Tablespoons Cayenne Pepper
4 Teaspoons Black Pepper
2 Teaspoons Ancho Chili Powder
2 Teaspoon Cinnamon

Here's what you'll do:

1. Combine the Franks Red Hot Sauce, Vinegar, and minced Peppers in a Medium Saucepan over medium heat and boil until the Peppers are soft.
2. Pour mixture into food processor or blender and run on highest setting for 1-3 minutes, until it reaches a smooth consistency. (Wash Blender of Foodprocessor immediately!)
3. Return mixture to saucepan and add all spices.
4. Return to a boil stirring occasionally for 8-10 minutes.
5. Remove pan from heat and allow sauce to cool before placing in a glass or plastic container, not metal, seriously, this sauce will slowly corrode the metal and start tasting funky. Keep sauce refrigerated, and away from children and pets.
6. Enjoy on Chicken Wings, Burgers, Pork Chops, or anything (if you're a masochist.)
7. If you like pickled eggs try dropping 12 Hard Boiled Eggs into this sauce and allow to set for between 1 week and 3 months, after eating these eggs may be another good time to consider having a gas mask handy.

Blazing Black Bean Burger

     Topped with a spicy Black Bean Chili, this burger is hot enough to be a  treat for the carnival Fire Eater in your family.

Here's What you'll need:
1 Can Black Beans
1/2 Cup Chopped Pickled Jalapeno Peppers
3 Minced Habenero Peppers
2 1/2 Teaspoons Chili Powder (I usually use Chipotle Chili Powder for it's rich smokey flavor)
1 1/2 Teaspoons Garlic Powder
1 Teaspoon Onion Powder
1 Teaspoon Fresh Garlic
8 Slices of Pepper Jack Cheese
4 Thick Juicy Burgers prepared the way you like them

Here's what you'll do:

1. Combine all ingredients except burgers and cheese in a small sauce pan and heat over medium stirring frequently until contents reach a boil.
2. Reduce heat and simmer for five minutes, stirring frequently. 
3. Remove from heat and heap onto burgers, top each burger with two thick slices of Pepper Jack and allow cheese to melt over chili to hold it in place.
4. Top with your favorite burger toppings and enjoy.

Garden Chicken Bruschetta

     Light, healthy, simple and flavorful, Bruschetta is a classic Italian anti-pasto that has more than earned it's place here and abroad.

Here's what you'll need:
4 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts
1/4 pound Shredded Mozzarella Cheese
1 Large Diced Tomato (Approximately 1/2 pound)
1 Diced Green Bell Pepper
1 Small Diced Onion
4 Tablespoons Olive Oil
2 Tablespoons Basil
1 Tablespoon Minced Garlic (Preferably fresh)
2 Teaspoons Lemon Juice
1/2 Teaspoon Salt

Here's what you'll do:

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit 
2. Bake Chicken for 45 minutes on a cookie sheet(or until an internal temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit is reached)
3. While Chicken cooks mix all other ingredients except Mozzarella to make your Bruschetta Topping and allow to rest until chicken is finished cooking.
4. Remove chicken from oven and split the Bruschetta Topping evenly over all four pieces, top with Mozzarella, and return to oven until cheese is melted .(This usually takes less than a minute.)
5. Enjoy.

Day after the Cook-out Corn and Chicken Chowder

     Perfect Autumn food,this chowder is rich, creamy, and uses up some of those delicious left-overs from yesterdays Cook-Out. Or if nothing was left after friends, family, and neighbors poking their head over the fence finished off every last morsel, it can be made up from scratch.

Here's what you'll need:
5 cups of Corn (Cut off a Cook-Out Cob or from a can)
4 Cups Diced Cooked Chicken Breast (Covered in grill lines, or straight out of the frying pan or oven)
4 Cups Cold Diced Baked Potatoes (Make sure they've cooled or they'll smash instead of slice)
1 Quart Heavy Cream
1 Cup Cold Water
2 Tablespoons of Black Pepper
2 Tablespoons of Flour
2 Tablespoons of Cornstarch
1 1/2 Tablespoons of Chicken Base

Here's what you'll do:

1. Combine the Cold Water, Flour, and Cornstarch in a small bowl with a whisk.
2. Combine all other ingredients in a large pot and mix thoroughly.
3. Place over a medium heat and bring to a boil, stirring frequently.
4. Add Water, Flour, Cornstarch, mixture stirring constantly until thickened.
5. Enjoy.
6. This recipe makes approximately 18 cups of very rich chowder, you may want to invite some friends over.

Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce

     Smokey, Sweet, Tangy, and Spicy, those are the watchwords we live by at The Columbus Digest when it comes to making a good Barbeque Sauce. But not everyone has the leisure of casual Sunday cook-outs in the park. People in Columbus are busy, and sometimes a cook-out goes down at the same time as the sun. When the last rays are slipping behind the horizon and your friends are on the way after a long day at work you need a Barbeque Sauce with a built in pick me up, and so we present our 'Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce'.

What You'll need:

4 Pounds of Ketchup
1 1/2 Cups of Coffee Grounds
1 1/2 Cups Blackstrap Molasses
1 Cup White Vinegar
1/2 Cup Buckwheat Honey
1/2 Cup Mustard
3 Tablespoons Garlic Powder
2 Tablespoons Onion Powder
2 Tablespoons Liquid Mesquite Smoke
2 Tablespoons Orange Zest (Available in most grocery stores in the spice aisle as Valencia Orange Peel)
1 1/2 Tablespoons Ancho Chili Powder
1 Tablespoon Hershey's Special Dark Cocoa Powder
1/2 Tablespoon Chipotle Chili Pepper
1/2 Tablespoon Black Pepper
1 Teaspoon White Pepper
1 Teaspoon Mustard Powder

What You'll do:

1. In a normal coffee pot brew 6 Cups of Coffee with the 1 1/2 cups of grounds (We used Folgers French Roast, but feel free to use your favorite.)
2. Pour the fresh brewed Coffee into a medium sauce pan and heat on medium until it has reduced to 1 Fluid Cup of VERY VERY strong Coffee and pour into a large pot.
3. Combine all of your liquid ingredients in the large pan and place over medium heat until boiling stirring frequently.
4. Reduce heat to simmer. Meanwhile combine all of your dry spices in a bowl and whisk together before thoroughly mixing into your liquid mixture.
5. Stir frequently for 30-45 minutes or until the sauce reaches your desired thickness. (We used this time to watch an episode of 'No Reservations' on Netflix.)
6. Remove from heat and allow to stand until cooled to room temperature before pouring into airtight plastic bottles. (Kroger's at Georgesville Square had nice 4 Cup screw on lid containers on sale right next to their aluminum foil.) Makes approximately 11 Cups of sauce.
7. Before I receive any complaints, or worse yet someone thinks they made the sauce wrong, it is actually a very deep red, not black. The name is a reference to the intensely strong coffee used in the sauce.