So Long Sweet Summer Sipper

     Summer is drawing to a close, the days are getting shorter, the nights longer, and fruit prices are starting to slide upwards as things begin to go out of season. It sucks, but unless you live in the tropics the best you can do about it is to try to catch a last deep breath of sun parched air and wash it down with this light, refreshing iced tea.

Here's What You'll Need:

4 Ounces (by weight) of Hibiscus Flowers (available at most Hispanic Grocers as Jamaica Flowers)
1 Gallon + 2 Cups of Water
2 Ripe Mangoes
1 Cup Sugar
2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
Fresh Fruit Pieces for Garnish (I used Pineapple, you might like Oranges, Lemons, Limes, or Strawberries)

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Cut up your Mango (That video will show you how, if you can tolerate the guys voice,) and put it in a blender with 1/4 cup of Sugar, 2 Cups of Water, and 2 Tablespoons of Lemon Juice.
2. Run on high until it reaches a really smooth consistency, which will never, ever happen, if your mango isn't ripe.
3. Pour your Mango awesome sauce (not an official name mind you,) into some ice trays and freeze (this will be approximately 2 trays, depending on what size cubes you usually make.)
4. Cover with plastic wrap and freeze.
5. Put your Hibiscus Flowers in 1 Quart of water and brin to a boil, then shut off the heat and allow to rest for 5 minutes, or until the corner of a paper towel dipped in the water looks like the time you forgot a red sock in the wash with your tighty whiteys.)
6. Strain out the Flowers and stir in your remaining sugar.
7. Once your sugar is dissolved, add the rest of your water. (Probably in a pitcher, but I suppose a punch bowl, bucket, or maybe even a really patient Pelicans mouth would work. )
8. Put it in the refrigerator until nicely chilled.
9. Pour into a nice looking glass, drop in a couple of your Mango Ice Cubes, and dress the glass up with some fancy looking fruit pieces, maybe an umbrella, or a swirly straw, I don't know, damn, do you want me to drink it for you too? Cause I will... Please?
10. Fine, you drink it. I hope it makes you happy. Jerk.

Bonus Points: If you want to send Summer out with a real bang (and if you're over 21) maybe consider adding a shot each of Bacardi O, and Bacardi Razz.

Spring Chicken Salad

     Light and refreshing, this dish trumpets that Spring has sprung with a burst of fresh fruit and fresh herbs. Though a quick warning, this is a bit more involved than some of our recipes...

Here's What You'll Need: For the Lime Mango Vinaigrette 
1 Small Ripe Mango (Peeled, Pitted, and Diced)
1/2 Cup White Vinegar (or Rice Wine Vinegar)
1/4 Cup of Clover Honey
1/4 Cup Soy Sauce
1 1/2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar
Juice from 1/2 Small Lime
1/2 Teaspoon Fresh Lime Zest
1/2 Teaspoon Salt

Here's What You'll Do: For the Vinaigrette 
1. Combine all ingredients in a small sauce pan.
2. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to simmer for 5 minutes.
3. Run through food processor on highest setting for 30 seconds.
4. Allow to cool completely.

Here's What You'll Need: For the Chicken
3 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts
1/2 of your Lime Mango Vinaigrette

Here's What You'll Do: For the Chicken
1. Place your Chicken Breasts into a zipper seal storage bag and pour half of your Vinaigrette over them.
2. Squeeze as much of the air as possible out of the bag and seal it.
3. Give the bag a good shaking to evenly coat the Chicken and allow to marinade for 45 minutes.
4. Bake Chicken for 45 minutes or until it reaches an internal temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit.
5. Allow the chicken 5-10 minutes to cool and slice into 1/4 inch thick slabs.

Here's What You'll Need: For the Salad
Your favorite salad "Fixins"
4-5 sprigs of fresh Cilantro (finely chopped)
Juice from the other 1/2 of that Lime, you know, from before

Here's What You'll Do: For the Salad
1. Mix your usual Salad ingredients with the Cilantro and Lime Juice
2. Separate into 3-4 bowls and top with Chicken Slices
3. Drizzle remaining Vinaigrette over your salads.
4. Enjoy the sensation of a fine damn Spring Day blossoming in your mouth.

Berry Blast Cheesecake (No-Bake Recipe)

     There are two kinds of cheesecake, excellent, and even more excellent. A plain cheesecake, whether baked, or no-bake is an indulgent delight, melting on the tongue and sending your spirit soaring like a bird on wing. This recipe takes those hall mark traits and adds the subtle joy of a summer day spent berry picking, so, you know, Fuck Yeah!

Here's What You'll Need: For the Berry Sauce
1/2 Cup Raspberries
1/4 Cup Blackberries
2 Tablespoons Blackberry Preserves
2 Tablespoons Powdered Sugar
2 Tablespoons Cornstarch

Here's What You'll Do: For the Berry Sauce

1. Put everything in a blender or food processor
2. Blend on high until smooth and glossy

Here's What You'll Need: For the Cheesecake
16 Ounces of Cream Cheese (At Room Temperature)
8 Ounces of Cool Whip
1 Cup Powdered Sugar
3/4 Cup Corn Starch
1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

Here's What You'll Do: For the Cheesecake
1. Combine all of your wet ingredients on a large bowl and mix until smooth and creamy. (I recommend a mixer for this, but you're free to develop Carpal Tunnel if that's what you're into...)
2. Slowly add your dry ingredients until the mixture reaches a thick enough consistency that when you pull the beaters out it forms stiff peaks, like tasty little mountain ranges.
3. Pour half of your Berry Sauce into the mixture and gently fold in until it is mostly combined but still has the occasional swirl.
4.Using a spatula  transfer the mixture into a Graham Cracker or Cookie Crust and cover with plastic wrap.
5. Refrigerate for 30 minutes to allow mixture to set.
6. Slice.
7. Drizzle each slice with a little of the remaining Berry Sauce, possibly garnishing with left over Berries or shiny foil wrapped candies that provide color contrast for the pictures you will randomly be taking.
8. Enjoy... like I have to tell you to enjoy Cheesecake...

From Across the Web #2

Jamie Noguchi, author of the web comic Yellow Peril gives the world not only the gift of laughter, but this easy and delightful recipe for The Blazing Sword Burger which has the multiple benefits of being delicious, done in comic form, and being a reference to Voltron. If you are unfamiliar with Voltron, you should be ashamed.

Have you tried Ugli Fruit? You may have heard it called Unique Fruit, or Uniq Fruit, but lets be clear, it is U-G-L-Y. It looks like a Grapefruit from Chernobyl, but it's tasty, really tasty.

Have you ever wondered when it's worth it to cut the spots off the tomato and eat it anyway, and when it's time to leave it in your fridge for another week then hide it under your neighbors passenger seat? This article  will not help you with that at all, but it will help you get a better grasp on how long to store certain foods.

Pina Colada Chicken

     A refreshingly light and sweet dish, our Pina Colada Chicken is a great reminder that Spring is always right around the corner.

Here's what you'll need:
2 Pounds Chicken Breast (Cut lengthwise into strips)
2 Cup Flaked Coconut
1 Cup Pineapple Juice
1 Cup White Flour
2 Ounces Malibu Coconut Rum
2 Large Eggs
1 Teaspoon Salt
On the side:
1 Can of Crushed Pineapple

Here's What you'll do:

1. Combine Pineapple Juice,Salt, and Rum in a zip lock bag and mix well to make a marinade.
2. Add Chicken Strips to your Marinade making sure to squeeze all the air from the bag and refrigerate for 20-25 minutes. (Any longer and a chemical in the Pineapple Juice will cause the chicken to become tough.
3. In a large bowl combine the Coconut and Flour. In a separate bowl scramble the eggs.
4. Remove Chicken from marinade and thoroughly coat each piece in egg.
5. Place each piece separately into the Flour and Coconut mixture, cover each piece with a loose pile of the mix and press down firmly to adhere the breading to the chicken.
6. Fry over medium heat until both sides of each piece are golden brown and chicken has reached a core temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit.
7.  Serve with a side of Crushed Pineapple for dipping.

Harvest Time Corn Cake

     This is a pretty recent recipe for me, something I made a week back for a few friends when they were over to play Dungeons and Dragons. It's lightly sweet, filling, and a definite change of pace from the regular day to day sweets.

Here's what you'll need:

2 Cups Self Rising Corn Bread Mix
1 1/3 Cup Milk
2 Fresh Golden Delicious Apples
2 Fresh Peaches (Or try substituting Bartlett Pears)
1/2 a Stick of Butter
1/4 Cups of White Sugar
1/4 Cup Honey
1/4 Cup Vegetable Oil
1/4 Cup Spiced Rum
1 Large Egg
2 Tablespoons of Brown Sugar
2 Teaspoons of Cinnamon

Here's what you'll do:

1. Preheat your oven to 450degrees Fahrenheit.
2. Peel and slice the Apples and Peaches and place at the bottom of a deep pre-greased casserole dish. (Though I suppose you could dice them, if you were so inclined.)
3. Combine the  Butter, Honey, Rum, Brown Sugar, and Cinnamon in a medium sauce pan.
4. Bonus points: Add Pecans or Walnuts to the sauce, about 1/2 cup chopped ought to do it. 
5. Place over medium heat  stirring frequently until the sugar has completely dissolved.
6. Pour mixture into the casserole dish over the sliced fruit.
7. Combine all other ingredients in a large mixing bowl to form a batter. (If you're really careful you can probably use a medium bowl without making too much stuff slopping out, but you're basically just dumping stuff on the counter if you try to use a small bowl, which is alright if you just want to make a mess and not a cake.)
8. Pour into your prepared casserole dish.
9. Bake for 20-25 minutes.
10. Allow to cool for 10-15 minutes, then gently tip out onto a cutting board or plate.
11. Slice into 8 pieces and serve. Best served warm.(Or, if you're like me, 7 pieces, with one piece being roughly 1/4 of the cake, then save that piece for yourself, after all, you just did all that cooking and you deserve a reward.)