Wait, is that Beef or Beets? and Cabbage Soup

     Well, after many minutes of staring, eyes watering at a much stained and wrinkled old recipe I found in my stack of culinary creations I determined that I had in fact written a pretty simple (though large portion) Beef and Cabbage Soup recipe, and not a recipe for Borscht, which I never recalled making, ever. But further thought and a look around at other Borscht recipes indicate that the Beef/Beets switch isn't outside of reason. Try it and let me know what you think.

Here's What You'll Need:

2 Pounds of Cabbage (Diced)
1 1/2 Pounds of Cubed Beef {or Beets (diced finely)} (Minced)
1 Pound of Carrots (Sliced)
10 Cups Water
3 Tbsp Beef Base
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
2 Tsp Fresh Minced Garlic
1 Tsp Garlic Powder
1 Tsp Onion Powder
1 Tsp Black Pepper

Here's What You'll Do:

1a. {With the Beets variation} Combine Water, Carrots, Beets, and all seasonings, boil for 30-50 minutes, beets take forever to get tender, make sure they are soft enough to at least poke a fork into before moving on to the next step.
2a. Add Cabbage and boil until cabbage is tender.
3a. (Probably) Enjoy that red shining bowl of goodness, remember, Beets are Natures Candy.

1b. {The 'b' is for Beef, get it? Don't worry, you'll be rolling on the floor laughing later.} Combine Water, Carrots, Cabbage, and all seasonings, boil until cabbage is tender.
2b. {Not making the obvious played out joke} Reduce heat to a simmer and add beef.
2c. This is where is gets a bit off my recipe card and into your hands. Beef is about the only meat conventionally seen in this country as having various degrees of cooked where it is edible. If you like your beef dripping with blood then this part shouldn't take all that long. A couple minutes will have that beef warm and somewhat ingrained with the surrounding flavors and it will be pretty damn good. But you can just as easily cook it until that meat is 'low and slow'ed to bits floating in your broth, and that can also be pretty damn tasty. That's all on you now.

Also, just because I like it and it seems appropriate Killer Tofu by The Beets

Unstable Element Sauce

     Only make this sauce in a well ventilated area, wear protective eye-wear, and strongly consider the use of a gas mask or other respiratory filter while making it. I'm not joking.

Here's what you'll need:
3 Cups Franks Red Hot Sauce
1 Cup White Vinegar
1 Cup Pickled Jalapeno Peppers with Juice (Minced)
10 Small Habenero Peppers (Minced)
5 Red Chili Peppers (Minced)
5 Green Chili Peppers (Minced)
2 Tablespoons Cayenne Pepper
4 Teaspoons Black Pepper
2 Teaspoons Ancho Chili Powder
2 Teaspoon Cinnamon

Here's what you'll do:

1. Combine the Franks Red Hot Sauce, Vinegar, and minced Peppers in a Medium Saucepan over medium heat and boil until the Peppers are soft.
2. Pour mixture into food processor or blender and run on highest setting for 1-3 minutes, until it reaches a smooth consistency. (Wash Blender of Foodprocessor immediately!)
3. Return mixture to saucepan and add all spices.
4. Return to a boil stirring occasionally for 8-10 minutes.
5. Remove pan from heat and allow sauce to cool before placing in a glass or plastic container, not metal, seriously, this sauce will slowly corrode the metal and start tasting funky. Keep sauce refrigerated, and away from children and pets.
6. Enjoy on Chicken Wings, Burgers, Pork Chops, or anything (if you're a masochist.)
7. If you like pickled eggs try dropping 12 Hard Boiled Eggs into this sauce and allow to set for between 1 week and 3 months, after eating these eggs may be another good time to consider having a gas mask handy.