These Delays

Are out of hand, I know. But the overtime train at work is still chugging along. Y'all deserve better, and I'll do my best to start rocking some new content as soon as possible.

New Job Causes Delays in Posting

     Sorry I haven't been posting lately folks, I just started a new job at a brand new, VERY big name establishment on the West side and things have been absolutely crazy. I've been working 60-70 hour weeks and have just been too wiped out to get anything written up, but I've still been experimenting in the kitchen, so as soon as I have some free time I'll be dropping a few things for y'all, like a spicy pumpkin cheesecake for the holidays.

So Long Sweet Summer Sipper

     Summer is drawing to a close, the days are getting shorter, the nights longer, and fruit prices are starting to slide upwards as things begin to go out of season. It sucks, but unless you live in the tropics the best you can do about it is to try to catch a last deep breath of sun parched air and wash it down with this light, refreshing iced tea.

Here's What You'll Need:

4 Ounces (by weight) of Hibiscus Flowers (available at most Hispanic Grocers as Jamaica Flowers)
1 Gallon + 2 Cups of Water
2 Ripe Mangoes
1 Cup Sugar
2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
Fresh Fruit Pieces for Garnish (I used Pineapple, you might like Oranges, Lemons, Limes, or Strawberries)

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Cut up your Mango (That video will show you how, if you can tolerate the guys voice,) and put it in a blender with 1/4 cup of Sugar, 2 Cups of Water, and 2 Tablespoons of Lemon Juice.
2. Run on high until it reaches a really smooth consistency, which will never, ever happen, if your mango isn't ripe.
3. Pour your Mango awesome sauce (not an official name mind you,) into some ice trays and freeze (this will be approximately 2 trays, depending on what size cubes you usually make.)
4. Cover with plastic wrap and freeze.
5. Put your Hibiscus Flowers in 1 Quart of water and brin to a boil, then shut off the heat and allow to rest for 5 minutes, or until the corner of a paper towel dipped in the water looks like the time you forgot a red sock in the wash with your tighty whiteys.)
6. Strain out the Flowers and stir in your remaining sugar.
7. Once your sugar is dissolved, add the rest of your water. (Probably in a pitcher, but I suppose a punch bowl, bucket, or maybe even a really patient Pelicans mouth would work. )
8. Put it in the refrigerator until nicely chilled.
9. Pour into a nice looking glass, drop in a couple of your Mango Ice Cubes, and dress the glass up with some fancy looking fruit pieces, maybe an umbrella, or a swirly straw, I don't know, damn, do you want me to drink it for you too? Cause I will... Please?
10. Fine, you drink it. I hope it makes you happy. Jerk.

Bonus Points: If you want to send Summer out with a real bang (and if you're over 21) maybe consider adding a shot each of Bacardi O, and Bacardi Razz.

Restaurant Review: Da Levee

     I've never been to Bourbon Street, hell, I've never been further South than Pittsburgh. I've cruised all around the North Eastern United States, and even dipped my toe into Canada (it took me forever to get the Maple Syrup off.) But, like everyone else who has had much to do with (watching) television or movies in their life, I have an idea of what a visit to New Orleans should be. Dark cramped spaces alive with the colors of Mardi Gras and Jazz, a rich spicy air should be blowing around, and you could almost picture Old Scratch himself leaving off of his dealings to grab a bit of gumbo.
     While I've never managed to go to the REAL New Orleans, Da Levee on High Street is certainly a portal to a little locals only joint just past the camera's reach in Interview with the Vampire. The environment of the place is... seductive I guess, you can imagine looking up from your B&B only to lock eyes with an attractive stranger (this sort of happened to me, only I knew Mary before hand, and we were there for our anniversary, but you get the point.)
     The menu doesn't contain any main courses, just side dishes, desserts, drinks, and plate pricing. Main courses are done as daily specials written on a black board and posted on Facebook and Twitter where hungry fans impatiently await a day when one of their favorites rises to the surface of it's owner, Justin Boehme's, mind and explodes into his kitchen.
     Normally I set a two visit minimum before a review, but most places have a large set menu and a two visit minimum ensures I try at least four dishes, between what Mary and I ordered. That wasn't an issue at Da Levee, where for just $8 you can get a Half and Half plate and try two different dinner options over rice. What we ended up having doesn't even matter, except to say we each got a meat option and a vegetarian option, and everything was delicious. Better than just delicious, it was delicious AND inexpensive. Two Half and Half Plates, soft drinks, and a piece of 'Purple Love'(Blueberry Cream with White Chocolate)pie to split only totaled $24.

Final Grade: A+ (Great Food, Great Prices, Great Atmosphere, and service that went above and beyond. I accidentally committed one of the great restaurant taboo's by accident by going in right as they were closing and nobody put glass in my food. Seriously, don't go into a closing restaurant, it is a total dick move and I hope I bring Da Levee some extra business with this review to make up for it.)

On the Topic of: A Pantry Part 2 or Eating like Budget Conscious Kings

     So, a friend of my fiance has just gotten out into the world, complete with rent, bills, and crippling student loan payments. Under these conditions she has been struggling to eat healthy foods without pitching herself into a black abyss of debt collection, so, doing what the wise always do when they don't know what to do, she sought advice. Facebook brought it to Mary and Mary brought it to me.
     And now that I have it it seems like a perfect time to try to help, not just her friend, but anyone I can, with my little corner of the internet. So I'm expending on my previous rant about the pantry system with some helpful tips and tricks for what to buy, how to store it to get the most use out of it, and maybe a few random asides. But take note as you read this of what I said in my first rant about pantries, the quality (or at least variety) of your diet may suffer for a little while until you are fully stocked up. You may start to feel a little tired of rice or oatmeal, but at least you are full, healthy, and making progress towards being happy. This can be mitigated by a little judicious seasoning. You know how they say variety is the spice of life? Actually spices, are the spice of life. Luckily there are a huge variety of spices, many of which are so widely used that they're pretty cheap.
     A quick side note that might save your life, or at least your wallet. Get in the habit of looking at Unit Prices. They are usually in the corner of the label on the shelf below the food, most stores even draw a nice little box around them and label them 'Unit Price'. What the fuck is a unit? Well, it depends on what you're buying, with most things a Unit will be an ounce. A few things, like Aluminium foil will have Unit Prices for a square foot, and some will even be by the pound. The important thing is that all similar products will almost 100% probably be using the same unit of measurement, so just by glancing in that magical little box you can tell much more accurately how expensive something is, without all the tomfoolery involved in marketing. When the unit price is higher, but the total price is lower you're getting a lot less for your money. 'Unit Pricing,' isn't a perfect shopping tool, sometimes cheaper just means shitty quality and it doesn't matter if you have 5 times the amount because you'll hate eating it. Just shop around, keep unit pricing in mind, and don't assume that just because it is a more familiar brand that is automatically better.
     Despite the vicious lies spread by people looking to profit from the Atkins Diet, grains, along with all the carbohydrates that they contain, are good for you. Complex carbohydrates are broken down by the body into the sugars that allow the atomic reactor of your gut to keep on churning out the juice that powers you. On top of that the American Heart Association recommends a diet high in whole grains for heart health. And best of all, grains are by and large cheap as fuck.
     Rice is king when it comes to affordable grain options, around $12 for a twenty pound bag at Wal-Mart, but lets not forget about Oatmeal, Cornmeal, and even Cream of Wheat. All delicious, all filling, and all relatively inexpensive (especially considering they will double or triple their weight in water so a pound of rice  really comes out to about 3 pounds of overall food.)
     Sunlight, heat, air, and water may be some of the core building blocks for life to survive on this crazy mixed up world of ours, but they are fickle friends. All of them speed the deterioration of your food stuffs, leaving you with products that are either moldy, or just robbed of their nutritional value. So, before you even put that massive bag of rice in your cart, buy a five gallon bucket. You'll usually find them in the paint aisle, if not ask someone who works there. Wash it out with warm soapy water, dry it, and fill it up. As long as you seal it tightly after extracting your grainy goodness, and stash it somewhere moderately cool your Rice will all be gone about 5 years before it would have gone bad. Use this same system for Flour, Sugar, or Beans, and you'll be all kinds of prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse, a Red Scare, World War 3, or whatever.
     Since I already brought them up, Flour and Sugar. These are bedrock ingredients, with just a few additions you open up a world of fresh Breads, Pancakes, and Biscuits, vast rolling fields of Cookies, Cakes, and Crackers. If Pancakes, Cookies, and Cakes, sound tasty but like a nutritional deadzone, you've been spending too much time surrounded by boxes that contain chemicals with names like 'Di-Metha-Frack-it-all,' and 'Poly-Sorta- Food-Like.' A home made cookies worst crime is containing refined Sugar, and as long as they aren't your primary source of sustenance they're the Culinary Law equivalent of Jay Walking, and they sure as Hell help break up the tedium of the early stages of starting a pantry.
     Eggs are the Rock Stars of the Culinary world. High in protein, amino acids, and trace elements you need to survive. Key players from baked goods to breakfasts, Eggs are where it's at. Buy Eggs in BULK. Wal-mart has a box of 5 dozen for something like $10. If you're concerned that you won't use that many eggs before they spoil, don't be. They are fresher than the other eggs on the shelves, this is exactly WHY they sell that many eggs at once. Just keep them in their box and keep their box near the back of the fridge and you'll be fine for a LONG damn time, like more than a month. Check it out. And, if you're doubtful about the condition of your Eggs you can always just throw them at a shitty neighbors house, or failing that a shitty: friend, family member, or strangers house.
     As far as meat is concerned, you're probably eating more of it than you really need. It's just tasty, and as part of a generally affluent society you are accustomed to there being plenty of meat available. You are descended from hunter/gatherers who had to work their asses off to get any meat at all, peasants from some part of the world or other who had to work their asses off to get any meat at all, and lowly U.S. citizens who survived through the depression with hardly any meat at all, maybe even train car Hobo's riding the rails with little more than beans and a slim bit of Bacon fat in their bellies, so cut back a little, try some moderation, you are not a fucking T-Rex. Buy a 5 pound Chub (yes, the portly little rolls of beef in the cooler, looking like a long skinny balloon full of ground up Cow are actually called Chubs) of Ground Beef. To accompany this purchase buy Aluminium foil and quart size freezer bags(the higher the bulk on these items the lower the unit cost, so usually $10 worth of foil is cheaper than $5 worth of foil in the long run).  Use a knife (cautiously!) to slice the Chub into 20 individual 1/4 pound sections (eye it up to 'close enough' or use a scale if you have one), wrap each section in Aluminium foil, and place them 2 to a quart bag in your freezer. The foil is master blaster when it comes to preventing freezer burn (which is safe to eat, but dramatically decreases quality) and the plastic of the bag prevents air from reaching the product which helps with freezer burn and keeps meat from picking up funky freezer flavors. Cooked into a Rice dish, one of these will feel like an adequate amount of Meat for two people, but if you are feeling a particular hankering for Beefy goodness go as high as 1 of your 1/4 pound portions each. It will feel indulgent after your recent rationing.
     Of course, no discussion of eating healthy could go on without a discussion of vegetables, nor could any discussion about eating on a budget. Vegetables, how ever tasty and nutritious are too expensive to eat when you're just trying to get by right? No, what? Where did that rumor get started?
     People willing to pay $3 or more a pound for Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast will look you dead in the eye and tell you vegetables are too expensive when you can get a pound of Carrots for usually under a dollar a pound. and Carrots are just the tip of the ice burg. Bananas, Potatoes, Cucumbers, Green Bell Peppers, Lettuce, most varieties of Hot Peppers, Radishes, Rutabagas, Turnips, most types of Greens, Celery, etc., etc., etc., are usually available for less than $1 a pound. The reason most people seem to think vegetation is too expensive to eat is they are only looking for more luxurious eats. Fresh berries, Red Bell Peppers, and Tomatoes are undoubtedly delicious and nutritious, but hold off till you have a few more bucks in your budget. Try strange new tubers like Turnips, Beets, and Rutabaga's that are delicious, last ages in the refrigerator, and are a fun occasional departure from the standard Carrots and Potatoes. Heck, try something  a little different with your good old Carrots and Potatoes. Give Cabbage a real genuine shot in your life, fried up with just a little Salt, Pepper, and Butter, Cabbage is like giving your taste buds a hand job. Add a few fried Potatoes, and a couple scrambled Eggs and you have a tasty filling meal for maybe as many a 5 people for about $3, not per person, but total.

Note: If you don't get the title of this post, please watch 'Mission Hill,' you'll probably like it.

P.A.-P.H.D. Chocolate Bacon Muffins

     During a recent conversation on Facebook someone mentioned wanting Chocolate, someone else mentioned wanting Bacon, and I figured that, since that pairing has recently become trendy, and I like muffins, fuck it time for Chocolate Bacon Muffins. The name is a tribute to a woman I barely know, have only met once, but whom I have had some very fine online discourse with over the years, and upon whose Facebook wall the initial conversation appeared.

Here's What You'll Need:
8 Ounces of Applewood Smoked Bacon
1 3/4 Cups Flour
1 Cup Chocolate Chips
1 Cup Milk
3/4 cup Sugar
1/3 Cup Bacon Grease
3 Tablespoons Hershey's Special Dark Cocoa Powder
1 Egg
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
2 Teaspoons Instant Coffee
1 Teaspoon Applewood Smoked Sea Salt (Plus more to finish)
1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1/2 Teaspoon Baking Soda

Here's What You'll Do:
1. Using scissors, cut your Bacon into 1/4 inch squares, and fry over medium heat until crispy.
2. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
3. Separate your bacon from it's grease and allow both to cool for several minutes.
4. Combine 1/3 of a cup of your bacon grease (if you don't get enough while frying your bacon, either make up the difference with butter, or fry yourself some extra bacon...) with 1/2 a cup of chocolate chips and all of your sugar.
5. Microwave on high for 30 seconds then whisk until your chocolate and sugar fully dissolve.
6. Whisk in your Vanilla Extract, Milk, and Egg.
7. Add the rest of your Chocolate Chips and 3/4 of your bacon pieces, then stir to combine.
8. In a separate bowl, combine your Flour, Coffee, Baking Powder, Baking Soda, Cocoa Powder, and Salt, then whisk to combine.
9. Using a silicone spatula, add your wet ingredients to your dry ingredients.
10. Stir until the mixture is just coming together, that means there WILL be liquidy pocket, there WILL be lumps, and there WILL be areas of dry Flour. Do not continue to fucking mix it! This is exactly how it is supposed to be.
11. Grease and Flour a standard 12 cup Muffin tin, or spray it down with Bakers Joy.
12. Using a spoon, or you know, whatever works for you, scoop the batter into your Muffin Tin, trying your best to keep it distributed evenly.
13. Add the final 1/4 of your Bacon, distributed evenly across the tops of all your prospective Muffins, and sprinkle each lightly with Applewood Smoked Sea Salt.
14. Bake for 20 minutes, rotating your pan at the 10 minute mark to ensure that they cook evenly.
15. Allow to cool completely (really, just wait FFS, I know they smell good.)
16. Pop loose from their little steel beds and devour ravenously.

Notes: Some of you may wonder why 'Preheat' comes in as step two in this recipe. The answer is simple, I'm using a 400 degree oven in August, I don't want that thing on any longer than absolutely needed, if I do more Muffins in December you'll notice the difference.

Bonus Points: Split one of those tiny brown bad asses in half and spread on a little Nutella. Or better yet, Dobrova, which tastes just like Nutella, but is considerably cheaper.

Trigger Fingers

Pictured with Our Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce

     So... remember in my Interview with Ben from North Market Spices how he was talking about their 'Gunslinger Rub,'? Well, I can't pass up good spice recommendations and I picked up a bag. And it was delicious, so, one evening in a mood for one of the comfort foods from my youth I decided to make up a batch of Chicken Tenders, and lo, the birth of something wonderful.

Here's What You'll Need:

1 Pound of Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast

4 Cups of Flour

1 1/2 Tablespoons of North Market Spices Gunslinger Rub

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Cut your chicken into thin strips lengthwise, about 1/8 of an inch thick.

2. Toss the Chicken Strips into a zip top storage bag with the Gunslinger Rub, make sure they are evenly coated, and squeeze the air out of the bag.

3. Refrigerate for at least an hour.

4. Put your Flour into a large shallow container, like an 8x8 cake pan, and a few at a time place the Chicken Strips in the pan, bury with flour and press down lightly to make sure the flour adheres.

5. Lay each strip in a single layer on a plate and allow to rest for at least 20 minutes at room temperature. This will give the flour time to form a little Gluten, which will help it hold together in the fryer, as well as giving the chicken time to get a little closer to room temperature. You don't want to hold raw meats between 40 degrees and 140 degrees (known professionally as 'The Danger Zone') because it gives bacteria time to breed, but a few minutes shouldn't hurt anything, and the closer your Tenders are to room temperature when they enter the fryer the less cool down you will experience from your oil, the faster and easier each piece will leave 'The Danger Zone' and the crispier the end product will become.

6. One at a time drop your Tenders into a deep fryer heated to 350 degrees Fahrenheit for approximately 6-8 minutes, or until the internal temperature reaches 165 degrees Fahrenheit. (I know, this can be tricky to determine with fried foods, but that's why you sliced them so thin Chief. Also, get a digital probe thermometer, you can get one for like, $20 and it might save someones life.)

7. Using Tongs or a 'Fryer Spider' extract your Trigger Fingers and place them on either a wire cooling rack on a sheet pan, or a couple of paper towels on a plate for a minute to wick away excess grease.

8. Enjoy with our Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce as pictured above, or with Sour Cream, or maybe even ranch dressing (I personally hate the stuff and feel like it is for people who don't want to taste food, they just want to taste ranch. I will be disappointed in you if you go for the Ranch, but unless you're one of a very small number of people I'm probably not peeking through your window to watch you eat, so I'll likely never know.)

A Day at the Market: North Market Spices

     There nestled in the North-West corner of the North Market is probably the highest concentration of flavor in Downtown Columbus, a place where volatile essential oils rattle the seeds that bind them, where piles of gold(en Curry)  and Crystal(ized Ginger) abound, the very same wealth that lead (an admittedly bewildered) Christopher Columbus across the oceans to the shores of The New World, behold: North Market Spices!
     That's where I met Ben Walters, a man of above average height and jovial disposition, and the figurative Dragon to whom this treasure horde belongs. After a few quick greetings we retired to the upper deck of the Market where it was quiet enough to speak.

C-Bus D.- "So how long have you been in business, and was it always here at The North Market?"

B.W.- " 2 years, and yeah, this is our first and only store so far."

C-Bus D.-" Wow, I'd imagine the rent here is crazy, especially for a first business."

B.W.-" No, not really. The Market is actually built as a kind of small business incubator. They want to foster small local businesses, no big chains, they don't want anything like that here."

C-Bus D.-" So, when did you find food? I mean, when did it become more a part of your life than just sustenance?"

B.W.-" It kind of started early in high school with my hate for leftovers. I'd come home late from Hockey practice and not want to reheat something. But it really blossomed more, you know, when I was in college and I was the only person who knew how to cook. If you wanted a home cooked meal I was the guy to go to for it."

C-Bus D.-" So, what got you into spices specifically?"

B.W.- " I've always liked to add flair to my food, you travel via your palate to different areas of the world. But really what got me into the store was sort of a lack of access to decent spices. There are a few other stores in town, but the one I was mostly going to in college, I could never really get there when they were open 'cause I lived and worked in the down town area. It was really just impossible to get there when they were open. Then one day I was sitting here having lunch with my Father and something had closed in the market and I said 'God, I hope they put in a spice store!' And he said, 'Ben, that's a great idea.' So I filled out an application, went through the whole process and here I am."

C-Bus D.- "So you just sort of threw it together on a whim?"

B.W.-" Yeah, I'd never done any sort of business before and it's my life now."

C-Bus D.-" So, what's your process when you make your house blend spice mixes?"

B.W.-" Sometimes it's just me playing around with different flavor combinations. Sometimes it will be a customer who brings me a blend from somewhere else that they just can't get anymore and I'll either get very close or exactly reconstruct it for them. Sometimes restaurants will come to me and they want something blended specifically for them and I'll come up with a few bases and whichever one they like I'll refine. For example, yesterday I came up with a new blend for a new taco truck, well a food truck, called 'That Food Truck,' opening this Saturday(July 14th 2012). They wanted something custom for them and I threw together a few things till they found the one they liked. It ended up really good, they were really impressed, I was really happy with it, and it was really different from anything else I've come up with before."

(Short break in the interview while we nerded out talking about how amazing Columbus food culture is...)

 C-Bus D.- "Before I found North Market Spices I had to do most of my spice shopping online, which is nice when you already know what the spices are but it feels like a gamble buying things you're not familiar with, unlike here where you can see and smell the spices first. The rest of my spice shopping was split up between about 8 specialty ethnic grocers. And honestly, after shopping around so much I can say your prices are really reasonable."

B.W.-" That's kind of the point of being here. I don't want to feel like I'm gouging people. I want a high quality product at an accessible price, and like you mentioned about going so many places, I try to buy as much of that hard to find specialized stuff and centralize it because I know there is a demand for it. "

C-Bus D.- "So, while on vacation you're on a boat, and an errant wave washes you into the briny deep. Struggling to survive you latch onto a piece of floating debris and pass out. When you come to you're on the shore of a beautiful but entirely deserted island. It turns out that the 'debris' you latched onto happens to be a solar powered temporal stasis chamber containing a lifetime supply of one spice, what do you hope is inside?"

B.W.- (Obviously struggling) "Ooooooooh, always soo hard to answer....Oh man, my tastes always change so much.. If I HAVE to choose I'm going to have to go with our new 'Gunslinger Rub'. It's a really spicy Habenero rub. It's got a great flavor and a great heat, and its spicy enough I could probably use it to preserve some stuff. My favorite thing to do with that is just rub it on some chicken wings and grill them, so simple. And it's not a traditional Southern Style Rub, we left the Sugar out of that one. We sweetened it with Sweet Smoked Spanish Paprika and Sun Dried Tomato Powder, plus Habenero has that sort of fruity sweetness along with the heat. "

C-Bus D.-"What do you hope is not in the chamber?"

B.W.-" Hmm... What do I not use? Man, I guess, and it's not that I dislike Orange Zest, 'cause I do like it. But I guess it'd be Orange Zest, I enjoy it, but I think I could make it without it."

     And with a few minutes of discussion about spices, this column, The North Market, and Columbus food our interview wound down. (I ended up trying the Gunslinger Rub, it was pretty bitchin' but I wouldn't recommend it for people who can't handle heat.)

The North Market
Trigger Fingers Made with North Market Spices 'Gunslinger Rub'

Baba Yaga Ganoush

     Smooth with a subtle smokiness and a lingering bite, our Baba Yaga Ganoush  is a great dip or sandwich topper, low in calories and fat and high in flavor. If you're wondering why I related this Middle-Eastern favorite with a Russian folk tale I have just three words for you, "Mortar and Pestle." Look it up.

Here's What You'll Need:

1 Large Eggplant (about a pound and a half)
2 Tablespoons Tahini
2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
3 Cloves of Garlic
1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
1 Tablespoon Black Sesame Seeds
2 Teaspoons Applewood Smoked Sea Salt
1/2-1 Teaspoon Habenero Powder

Here's What You'll Do:


1. Poke holes all across the skin of your Eggplant with a fork, the more holes the smokier your Baba will taste.
2a. (For those with an Electric Stove) On a foil lined cookie sheet place your Eggplant under your Broiler on high, rotating every few minutes to evenly blacken the skin. The longer you go with this step the more of a smokey flavor your Baba will develop as the smoke from the burnt outer skin makes its way in through your previously poked air holes.
2b. (For those with a Gas Stove) Using tongs (and an oven mitt, I hope you guys already knew this part) rotate your Eggplant over a medium flame from one of your burners allowing the skin to blacken evenly.
3. Bake your Eggplant for 20-30 minutes at 375 degrees Fahrenheit until tender enough that a fork meets little resistance at the center.
4. Allow to cool. And scoop the insides into your largest Mortar and Pestle (or Food Processor if you're feeling lazy) and grind to a paste with all other ingredients, saving the Sesame Seeds for last and just giving them a quick stir in.
5. Gobble that shit down on some crackers, or tortilla chips, or even the traditional flat bread of your choice.

Restaurant Review: Park Street Cantina

     Nestled behind the North Market (a place I still have yet to really explore) lies The Park Street Cantina, a place oozing with it's own distinctive charm. Enormous portions, reasonable prices, and a plethora of house made sauces make The Park Street Cantina a notable addition to our beloved city. Mary and I both had a great time on both of our Park Street visits, the first being during Origins Game Fair when we once again failed to make it to the North Market before it closed.  The place is just plain cool, the decorations are neat, there is a weird ass claw game where you catch live lobsters, you can sit on a swing at the bar (which I hated while eating, but started to enjoy after the first pitcher of Margaritas), and the servers are super friendly in a way that suggests they are genuinely nice and not putting on an act(after a decade in the food industry I can spot the 'server act' and it makes me want to slowly choke the life from someone). That being said, besides the house made salsa and the 'Ultimate Mac and Cheese' which were fantastic, the food was kind of bland. I tried burgers and wraps, beef and chicken fajitas and tacos between the two visits and it was all very very okay. Maybe it was very authentic and I'm too used to jazzed up over spiced U.S. style Mexican food? I don't know, I just wasn't impressed.


Final Ranking
C+ (The food isn't bad for the price and at the quantity. They have great happy hour specials, a great staff, and all in all the place is just a great time waiting to be had. I expected more wow factor from the food than I got.)






Find them online at: http://www.parkstreetcantina.com/

Some Kind of Salsa

Pictured with Tortilla Chips

     Salsa is one of America's most popular condiments, second only to ketchup (or well ahead of ketchup if you go by cost instead of volume, which would be silly.) The problem with salsa is that it is expensive, can be ridiculously over salted, and if you try a lot of different types instead of sticking with the first brand that you enjoy, you're in for A LOT of disappointments between salsas that are worth eating.  So here is a basic salsa recipe that you can fuck around with and customize. In addition to the normal measurements I'm going to include a quick note as to what each ingredient brings to the salsa flavor wise.

Here's What You'll Need:
4 Diced Medium Tomatoes (Sweet and tangy, Tomatoes make up the body of your salsa)
1/2 Diced Red Onion (Sweet with a bit of bite)
1/2 Diced White Onion ( Tangy and somewhat Spicy)
1 Clove Minced Garlic (Garlic brings.... well you know, Garlic flavor)
3 Sprigs Minced Cilantro ( A classic Salsa flavor Cilantro tastes light and Springlike, but also sort of soapy, in a good way)
1 Lime worth of Juice (Freshness and acidity)
1 Tablespoon Sriacha Sauce (Heat, lots of heat)
2 Teaspoons Agave Nectar (Sweetness that mellows some of the harsher flavors and helps them meld)
1 1/2 Teaspoons of Kosher Salt (Salt doesn't make things salty unless you add way too much, it makes all of the other flavors more vibrant.)
1 Teaspoon Fresh Cracked Black Pepper ( Spice and flavor)

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Mix everything together.
2a. Enjoy it.
2b. Don't enjoy it, then modulate the amounts of all these ingredients until you do like it, then write your new ingredients list down as your own personal salsa recipe and blow your friends minds with it.

More coming soon.

     Sorry about the delay folks but an ATM machine ate my bank card and I have no other access to my money until the new card arrives. No trouble eating because I've got a packed pantry but it's difficult to pick up the odds and ends for new recipes when you're broke. Oh well. I should be able to access my money again by the 24th and then we'll see what's cooking.

Strawberry Smoothie Mini Cakes

     Hey, people! This is my first post on the C-bus Digest.  I've been behind the scenes the whole time....watching you through the screen....waiting to strike with furious food knowledge.

Except not really.  I'm not very into the whole blog writing thing.  It's not my deal.  I've mostly been Will's kitchen assistant, restaurant buddy, and food photographer (speaking of photographing food, I WILL be taking better pictures! I just found my camera cord so I don't have to use the phone camera.)

     What brought me to writing a post was my recent recipe experiment.  Strawberry brownies. No chocolate, just awesome berry flavor and none of that strawberry cake mix or nesquik bull. 

Originally, I was looking for a thick, fudgy consistancy and tons of strawberry flavor, but during tonights 1 a.m. baking excursion I created something marvelous and unexpected.

Fluffy, delightful and moist with a thin, delicate, glazy crust of sugar. They don't quite seem like cupcakes to me. There's something different about them, in my opinion, but I'll call them cupcakes.

This recipe makes a LOT of mini cupcakes.

What you need:

1 cup room temp margarine
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
2 1/4 cups white sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups chopped strawberries
1/4 cup strawberry yogurt
1/4 cup strawberry jam
1/2 cup strawberry guava juice
a dallop of honey (about a tbsp)
(optional) 1 tsp Mango Amchur powder

     Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Line your mini muffin pans with cups. Spray the muffin papers with Baker's Joy, too. They stuck to our paper cups pretty well.
Combine the flour, salt, and baking powder. Feel ashamed as you 'sift' it with a whisk because you don't own a sifter....yet. Set it aside.

     This is the 'smoothie' part! Pull out your blender and throw the berries, yogurt, jam, juice, mango amchur, and a dollop of honey in there, then  blend well. Taste it. Its pretty good. Make your room mates taste it too. Set it aside.

     Cream the butter and sugar together until smooth. Whisk in those eggs, vanilla, and maybe a drop or two of red food coloring.
   
     Pour your blender-full of berry flavor into the butter mixture. Whisk it until its consistancy is uniform.
Whisk in the flour mixture about a half cup at a time. Whisk it until it is, once again, smooth. Scrape the sides as you go.

     Fill your cupcake cups about 2/3's full each.  Bake for 15 - 20 minutes or until springy when gently poked and a toothpick comes out clean.

Om Nom Nom Rings

     Onion rings, that delectable taste treat oh so many of us love to... treat like the weirdo cousin of the French Fried Potato. Oh sure, they're cool enough when they're hanging around, but much like Arnie from 'Hey Arnold!' you generally forget all about them five minutes after they leave. No more! Onion rings kick ass and you should be ashamed of yourself for hurting their feelings. After a long and tearful heart to heart I decided to help them step up their image and take their rightful place in the world of appetizers and side dishes as the bold and blazing star of the culinary world that they are, and should have always been. Really, they just needed a change of wardrobe, out with the soggy, droopy, old rags they usually wear and into a crisp spicy new get up that will make you go, 'Om nom nom, sweet thing, om nom nom...'

Here's What You'll  Need:

1 Large White Onion (cleaned and sliced into 1/4 inch rings, or thicker if you think you can handle all that flavor)
1 Cup Greek Yogurt
1 Cup Milk
1 Cup All Purpose Flour
1/2 Cup Cornmeal
1 Tablespoon Fresh Ground Peppercorn ( I used Peppercorn Melange)
2 Teaspoons Onion Powder
1/2 Tablespoon Chicken Base
1 1/2 Teaspoons Salt
1 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
Oil for frying

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Combine all of your wet ingredients in a medium bowl.
2. Combine all of your dry ingredients in a separate medium bowl.
3. Place your Onion Slices into a zip seal bag with half of your Flour Mixture and shake vigorously.
4. Pour remaining flour back into its bowl.
5. Take your rings out of the bag and one or two at a time drop them in your liquid mixture making sure to coat them evenly.
6. Pull them from the liquid and, trying unsuccessfully not to drip all over your counter, place them back into your flour mixture.
7. Pull the flour over the rings and press down on them with your open palm gently but firmly. This helps ensure that the flour adheres properly. At this point you can repeat steps 5-7 as many times as you want, though we here at The Columbus Digest would recommend against doing more than double dipping.
8. Drop rings one at a time into a preheated electric deep fryer or a Dutch Oven filled with about 6 cups of Canola or other frying oil. (Mary and I have a regular, Wal-Mart purchased Fry Daddy Electric Fryer, it's pretty damn convenient, resealable to keep your oil fresh for a few uses, and we feel like it was worth the $25.)
9. After about a minute flip each ring, a minute after that pull them out and place them on a plate lined with paper towels to absorb the extra oil.
10. Quickly wipe off your counter, I wasn't messing with you in step '6.' you probably dripped shit everywhere and it'll be the Dickens to get up if you let it dry.
11. Eat the Hell out of those onion rings, maybe with some ketchup that a wandering Hobo accidentally dropped a Basil Leaf into the way we did, or maybe with our Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce, or Wasabenero Sauce.

Spring Chicken Salad

     Light and refreshing, this dish trumpets that Spring has sprung with a burst of fresh fruit and fresh herbs. Though a quick warning, this is a bit more involved than some of our recipes...

Here's What You'll Need: For the Lime Mango Vinaigrette 
1 Small Ripe Mango (Peeled, Pitted, and Diced)
1/2 Cup White Vinegar (or Rice Wine Vinegar)
1/4 Cup of Clover Honey
1/4 Cup Soy Sauce
1 1/2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar
Juice from 1/2 Small Lime
1/2 Teaspoon Fresh Lime Zest
1/2 Teaspoon Salt

Here's What You'll Do: For the Vinaigrette 
1. Combine all ingredients in a small sauce pan.
2. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to simmer for 5 minutes.
3. Run through food processor on highest setting for 30 seconds.
4. Allow to cool completely.

Here's What You'll Need: For the Chicken
3 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts
1/2 of your Lime Mango Vinaigrette

Here's What You'll Do: For the Chicken
1. Place your Chicken Breasts into a zipper seal storage bag and pour half of your Vinaigrette over them.
2. Squeeze as much of the air as possible out of the bag and seal it.
3. Give the bag a good shaking to evenly coat the Chicken and allow to marinade for 45 minutes.
4. Bake Chicken for 45 minutes or until it reaches an internal temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit.
5. Allow the chicken 5-10 minutes to cool and slice into 1/4 inch thick slabs.

Here's What You'll Need: For the Salad
Your favorite salad "Fixins"
4-5 sprigs of fresh Cilantro (finely chopped)
Juice from the other 1/2 of that Lime, you know, from before

Here's What You'll Do: For the Salad
1. Mix your usual Salad ingredients with the Cilantro and Lime Juice
2. Separate into 3-4 bowls and top with Chicken Slices
3. Drizzle remaining Vinaigrette over your salads.
4. Enjoy the sensation of a fine damn Spring Day blossoming in your mouth.

Restaurant Review- Dirty Franks Hot Dog Palace

     The first time you hear the name, Dirty Franks Hot Dog Palace you'll probably laugh, then you'll ask if that is a real place. Well, it is, and despite it's name it's really a very clean establishment. Set right in the heart of down town on 4th Street, Franks still feels like a hidden treasure tucked away in 'The Discovery District'.

   
     Upon entering you'll first notice the decor, off beat hand painted posters for musical legends and sports greats, using just enough clutter to evoke the feeling of a filthy dive without any of the dirt, stains, or spills and their immaculately clean kitchen is open and visible not thirty feet away.
     Since I'm newer at this blogging business I don't usually carry photographer release forms on me, so I didn't catch any photo's of the crowd but it was an eclectic mix from middle aged men talking sports to hipsters probably trying to eat a new item before any of their friends so they can become disgusted with it when it catches on, from soccer moms to a guy who looked so stoned the painting of The Rolling Stones kept looking at him like it was worried.
     Matt, our server, was friendly and talkative without being disruptive to our meal. He was very knowledgeable about the restaurants expansive selection without giving unsolicited advice or opinions.

     

    Now on to the single most important aspect of any restaurant, the food. I always try to make at least 2 forays to an establishment before I review it, preferably with a few friends in tow so I can nibble off thier plates and get a broader view of what the kitchen is capable of doing. At this point I've had about six of Franks hot dog offerings, and they have all been excellent. Pictured above clockwise are: Onion Rings (big, juicy, Onion Rings, the kind that actually have a big ring of onion inside, not the more common onion powder flavored corn chip tasting mother fuckers you see everywhere. These are onion rings worth hopping on a bus  to down town for...), The Seoul Dog (topped with deliciously spicy 'why won't you kiss me' Korean Kim Chee), and The Slappy Pappy's Super Sloppy ( my arteries may never be the same, but they will ALWAYS look back at this heaping mess of a hot dog with fond memories and hopes for many happy returns.) The price for everything shown above: about ten bucks, well worth it for the quality ingredients, creative flair, and amazing flavors.

Final Ranking

A+ (Great food at great prices, unique decor, great service, and a ton of culinary creativity, Dirty Franks Hot Dog Palace turn Hot Dogs from what you eat when the burgers run out into a show stopping flavor powerhouse.)

Plus I saw this on the way in... how sweet is that?!

Dirty Franks Online

Potato Candy?

     Yes, Potato Candy, soft, creamy, delicious, puzzlement inducing. The most common reaction when I mention Potato Candy is, 'Potato What? Eww!' The most common reaction when people try it for the first time is, 'Oh wow, that's amazing! There are potatoes in this?' Now normally I try to give you folks neatly measured recipes but Potato Candy is more magic than science so you really just have to do it by gut feel.

Here's What You'll Need:
1 Mashed Potato
A LOT (I mean it, have a ton of it on hand) of Powdered Sugar
Some Peanut Butter

Here's what you'll do:
1. Put some mashed potato into a large mixing bowl and start mixing in powdered sugar till it forms a thick dough. In the famous words of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, 'DON'T PANIC.' When you first start mixing in the Powdered Sugar it will turn into a weird thin gruel, just keep adding more until it thickens.
2. Place the dough between two sheets of waxed paper and roll it out into a long thin sheet.
3. Spread a layer of peanut butter across the sheet of dough leaving about 1/2 an inch clearance on each edge.
4. Roll the dough up as tightly as possible (which is usually not very) and allow it to set for 30 minutes.
5. Cut into 1/2 inch thick slices and allow to set an additional 30 minutes so that they harden and are no longer sticky.
6. Eat those tasty little spud sweets.

Update

We're (mostly) moved into our new place, especially our new kitchen, and things will get back onto a more regular schedule of posts, and our new living arrangement means we'll finally have the money to get back into restaurant reviews soon... of course, we do  have to save for our wedding this September.

Berry Blast Cheesecake (No-Bake Recipe)

     There are two kinds of cheesecake, excellent, and even more excellent. A plain cheesecake, whether baked, or no-bake is an indulgent delight, melting on the tongue and sending your spirit soaring like a bird on wing. This recipe takes those hall mark traits and adds the subtle joy of a summer day spent berry picking, so, you know, Fuck Yeah!

Here's What You'll Need: For the Berry Sauce
1/2 Cup Raspberries
1/4 Cup Blackberries
2 Tablespoons Blackberry Preserves
2 Tablespoons Powdered Sugar
2 Tablespoons Cornstarch

Here's What You'll Do: For the Berry Sauce

1. Put everything in a blender or food processor
2. Blend on high until smooth and glossy

Here's What You'll Need: For the Cheesecake
16 Ounces of Cream Cheese (At Room Temperature)
8 Ounces of Cool Whip
1 Cup Powdered Sugar
3/4 Cup Corn Starch
1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

Here's What You'll Do: For the Cheesecake
1. Combine all of your wet ingredients on a large bowl and mix until smooth and creamy. (I recommend a mixer for this, but you're free to develop Carpal Tunnel if that's what you're into...)
2. Slowly add your dry ingredients until the mixture reaches a thick enough consistency that when you pull the beaters out it forms stiff peaks, like tasty little mountain ranges.
3. Pour half of your Berry Sauce into the mixture and gently fold in until it is mostly combined but still has the occasional swirl.
4.Using a spatula  transfer the mixture into a Graham Cracker or Cookie Crust and cover with plastic wrap.
5. Refrigerate for 30 minutes to allow mixture to set.
6. Slice.
7. Drizzle each slice with a little of the remaining Berry Sauce, possibly garnishing with left over Berries or shiny foil wrapped candies that provide color contrast for the pictures you will randomly be taking.
8. Enjoy... like I have to tell you to enjoy Cheesecake...

Sorry for the Delay

Income tax time has made work incredibly hectic and I've been bogged down for the better part of half a month now. Nothing says tax return like an expensive dinner out after all. Add to that, Mary and I just got engaged and are moving to a much better apartment so things have been a little out of control. We'll be getting back to regular updates as soon as possible.

On the Topic of: A Pantry

     According to the first definition listed on Dictionary.com a Pantry is: a room or closet in which food, groceries, and other provisions, or silverware, dishes, etc., are kept. And while I wouldn't advocate giving up a whole room for groceries, I do strongly recommend building up a stock of them ahead of time. Cooking isn't something most people do everyday, some people not even every week some only cook once a year for a family reunion or holiday get together. So, why have a pantry? I'm assuming that since you're reading this article, well any article on my blog really, that you cook, or are learning to cook, but that doesn't mean that you have given a pantry much consideration, I know I didn't till I moved to Columbus.
     When I moved here I was out of work for a couple months, just living off of the little savings I had and selling what used to be a fairly impressive collection of extremely nerdy movies on DVD. I had been lead to believe that I was going to be stepping into a fairly solid job but the position was filled while I was loading up the U-Haul. Understandably my diet went to shit. I was feeding myself and my fiance on $20 a week, mostly spent at the Dollar General near my home. Even after I got a job hours were short for the new guy and we were still mostly living off the proceeds of box seasons of Avatar: The Last Airbender and Gilmore Girls(don't judge me.)
     I was so trapped in the day to day struggle that I couldn't see a way out, until I started thinking about rice and noodles. Rice and noodles are your salvation when you're on the borderline of starvation, healthy, filling, and most importantly, cheap. But still expensive when you're buying them a pound at a time. So, on a rare week when our food budget jumped to a whopping $30 I went to Wal-Mart and bought it, the big bag of Great Value Rice. It was, I think, $8.00 for 20 pounds. We'd been buying about 2 pounds a week for $2.00. For those of you who don't want to do the math I just got 10 weeks worth of rice for $8 instead of $20. While it showed no immediate benefit, eating up most of my extra food money it did put me a little bit ahead.
     The following week I spent the $2.00 I didn't need to spend on rice along with the money I normally spent on peanut butter and a few extra and bought an 'Institutional size,' Peanut butter. If you've never seen the 'Institutional size' before, it is a 6 pound cylinder made for things like schools, day cares, and nursing homes who need to feed about a hundred people everyday. The next week I didn't have to buy Rice or Peanut Butter and I spent the money I normally spent on them on a 50 pound bag of flour and a 5 gallon bucket to put it in, the next week a 25 pound bag of sugar, etcetera, etcetera.
     This was pure Hell for the first few weeks, plain and simple. Mary thought I was crazy, we had more food in the house than ever before, but even less variety, basically all Rice and Peanut Butter Sandwhiches. It sucked, but as time wore on and we made additions to our 'Pantry' things became much easier. The addition of Flour added Pancakes and simple unleavened Breads to our diet, Sugar added Cakes and Cookies, and each addition loosened up a few extra dollars to broaden our shopping a little. Eventually we could have a week where all of our 'essentials' were taken care of and we could buy a bulk pack of meat to separate, then another, then another. And separate it we did, a five pound roll of Ground Beef became 20 quarter pound baggies to be added to rice or put over noodles. A five pound Beef Roast became a one pound Beef Roast, two half pound Steaks, and six half pound bags of cubes.
     And eventually work picked up, I caught on to corporate culture and started getting more than 15 hours a week and my grocery budget gradually rose with it. This is the point where it could have fallen apart. A clever shopper can EASILY feed two people on $30 a week if they have that every week, and believe me, you get to be an awfully damn clever shopper when you are barely managing to stay fed and sheltered on your budget. But if the 'Pantry System' helps you eat better and get ahead when you're dead broke, it changes your life when you have a little more cash to pump into it.
     A well stocked Pantry can allow you the freedom to branch out and buy things that you've never tried, buy things you love that are normally outside your logical budget, and sometimes allow you to skip the grocery store altogether. The only limit being your patience and persistance.
     But the Pantry has its limitations, fresh fruits and vegetables, Milk and Eggs, anything that rots, spoils, or reanimates as some sort of undead monstrosity after a week in the refridgerator is not a great candidate for storage unless you plan on cooking it off and freezing it, canning it, or dehydrating it. Getting a Farmers Market to give you a bulk discount on 25+ pounds of tomatoes is awesome... IF you plan on making bulk Marinara sauce for a family reunion, but in most cases it just means you are going to have a lot of ammunition for bad street theater in about a week and a half. So, exercise a little sense when shopping.
     The Pantries greatest weakness though, is disorganization and forgetfulness. Make sure to keep a list of what you run out of, because I promise there will be few times in your life where you feel stupider than when you believe you have 10 pounds of butter but in fact you have none because you haven't bought it for 4 months.

Extremely Pretentious Cupcakes

     Why did I name this 'Extremely Pretentious Cupcakes,' instead of doing what I normally do and giving it a weird, quirky, or lets face it, extremely pretentious name? Because honestly when I finished sorting out what they would be called if I just used a little truth in advertising, I realized they would be Orange Cardamom Cupcakes with Orange Blossom infused Lavender Buttercream Frosting. And since I can't say that without feeling like I should be wearing a sweater vest and lampooning my hedge fund manager at 'The Club,' I figured it was better to make fun of myself openly than to have to shake my head and call myself a dumb ass everytime I looked through my posts forever.

Here's What You'll Need for the Cupcakes:

1 Cup White Sugar
1/2 Cup Butter
1/2 Cup of Milk
2 Eggs
2 Teaspoons Orange Extract
1 1/2 Cups All Purpose Flour
1 Tablespoon Cardamom
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
1 Teaspoon Orange Zest

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit
2. Cream together your Eggs and Butter in a large bowl.
3. Mix in the rest of your wet ingredients till fully combined.
4. In a separate bowl mix together all of your dry ingredients.
5. Combine wet and dry ingredients.
6. Line a Muffin Pan with Paper Muffin Cups
7. Evenly split your batter between the muffin cups, they should each be about 2/3 full.
8. Bake for 20-25 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center of each comes out clean.
9. Allow to cool completely and then frost.

     The Extremely Pretentious Frosting I'm giving you the recipe for is NOT the same as the one I made. And here's why: Do you remember the advice I gave for using new spices in On the Topic of: Seasoning? If not reread that real quick and you'll know why I reduced the amount of Lavender in the recipe I'm about to give you by 1/2. I really should have listened to my own advice on that one, wow. On the other hand, if you want to feel like Spring had an after party in your mouth then moved it upstairs to your sinuses for an orgy feel free to go ahead and double up on the lavender.

Here's What You'll Need for the Frosting:

1 Cup(2 Sticks) Softened Butter
1 1/2 Teaspoons Lavender Petals
1 Tablespoon Orange Blossom Water (Also a new ingredient for me, check Wal-Marts Middle Eastern Section)
4 Cups Powdered Sugar

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Crush the Lavender Petals, you can use a spoon against the side of the bowl, a food processor, or a mortar and pestle is you are old fashioned.
2. Mix the Lavender with your Softened Butter and Orange Blossom Water . You probably already know this, but someone else reading this recipe doesn't, so here goes: Softened Butter is about room temperature. It is a soft squishable goop. It is NOT the same as Melted Butter, which is, well, melted... into a liquid.
3. Slowly mix in your powdered sugar.
4. Allow to set for at least 10 minutes in the refridgerator to allow the flavors to blend.

Lector Loaf

                                                           Pictured with our Black as Midnight BBQ Sauce, also, with some Peas.

     Tired of those Lambs always screaming in the back of your mind? Waking you up from a sound sleep to a world of cold sweats and kidnapped girls? Show those little woolly bastards who is boss by cramming a little of our delightful Lector Loaf through your face plate.

Here's What You'll Need:

1 Pound Ground Lamb
2/3 Cup Plain Bread Crumbs
1 Small Yellow Onion (Minced)
1/2 Green Pepper (Diced)
3 Large Mushrooms (Sliced)
2 Eggs
1 Tablespoon Tahini
1 Tablespoon Garlic Powder
2 Teaspoons Black Pepper
1 Teaspoon Kosher Salt
1 Teaspoon Sage
1/2 Teaspoon Rosemary

Here's What You'll Do:

1. Preheat oven to 350 Degrees Fahrenheit.
2. Mix everything together thoroughly.
3. Form it into a block approximately 6 inches by 8 inches and 1 inch thick and place on a cookie sheet.
4. Bake for 30-35 minutes.
5. Slice and enjoy!

Words to Digest: Cartoonist Jamie Noguchi

     After I referenced The Blazing Sword Burger in 'From Across the Web #2' I notified its creator the extremely talented Jamie Noguchi, since it seemed the polite thing to do. Well, one thing lead to another and I managed to grab an interview.


The Columbus Digest- So, I loved your work on Erfworld, the over large heads on tiny bodies, powerful beasts that look like they would be just as at home eating a live Elk whole or at a nine year old girls birthday party, how much of the visual style of Erfworld sprang from you, and how much of it was collaborative with Rob Baldur?

Jamie Noguchi- Rob and I had a few initial meetings where he told me what his plans were for the project. During these sessions, I would sort of sketch out ideas for characters and general style for the world. I'd say most of the visual stuff was from my crazy brain. Once we started getting pages out, Rob would have ideas for specific things he wanted to see.A few times he sent over sketches of specific set pieces that he
wanted included.

C-Bus D.- In your current venture "Yellow Peril," food is a frequently recurring theme and the character 'Julie' is a Chef. And it makes me wonder do you consider yourself a foodie?

Jamie Noguchi- I suppose I am a bit of a foodie. I like to eat good food. But I'm not a snob about it. I like a good street hot dog as much as a fine piece of sushi.

C-Bus D.- In my opinion, a real foodie meets just your criteria. It's not about rubbing peoples noses in your Bisque, enjoying something delicious, and the best side dish to have with any meal is friends and family, their company I mean, you'd run out of them pretty quickly if word got out you were using them as an actual side dish.

C-Bus D.-  Julie's restaurant, 'Chez Wong,' is French Asian Fusion combining the best of Szechuan and French cuisines, is that just happenstance or does it reflect the kind of cooking you do at home?

Jamie Noguchi- Chez Wong is sort of weird reference to a restaurant that used to be in Bethesda. It's long gone, but it always made me laugh whenever I passed by. I don't think there was anything French about the place except for the name. So when it came time to create Julie, I thought it would be funny if she was trained in classical French cuisine but fused it with food from her cultural heritage.  Also, my wife is half French and she's introduced me to some very excellent French food which I plan on including in the comic sometime in the future.

C-Bus D.- Discounting Kane's Blazing Sword Burger, do you have a 'specialty' dish that you feel is really definitive of your cooking? And if so, are you willing to share the recipe?

Jamie Noguchi- One of my favorite things to make is spaghetti and meatballs. I'm still trying to get the recipe just right, but basically I mix ground beef, sausage, garlic, egg as a binder, breadcrumbs (sometimes), various spices that I find around the house. Then I form them into balls and plop them in the sauce. As you can tell, I don't really measure anything which is probably bad because I can never repeat anything exactly the same. As for sauce, if I'm feeling really adventurous, I'll get a whole mess of roma tomatoes, score the skin with a knife, and then boil them until the skin starts to peel. Then I skin them, cut them up into quarters, and squish them through a wire colander to make sure the seeds don't get in. If I'm lazy, I just squish the tomatoes into the pot. A little salt, some garlic, some olive oil, bring it to a boil, then let it simmer. Then start plopping in the meatballs and wait until they're good and cooked through. I'm still messing with the recipe a bit. One thing I want to try when I have time is baking the meatballs first before they go into the sauce to get a nice crust on them. Also, I think I want to try hand mixing the meat. The food processor tends to turn the meat into a paste which gives  the meatballs a really smooth texture. I kinda want a chunkier texture so next time I do it, I'll probably try mixing the meats by hand. Oh, I made a beef  stew once from a recipe that was freaking rad! I don't remember it off hand, but it surprised me how good it turned out. As you can see, I'm kind of a comfort food kinda guy when I cook at home.

C-Bus D.- I tend to just jot my recipes down right after I make something in case I really love how it turns out, or so I can tinker with it if it doesn't. I  agree about the hand mixing (and not just because I haven't found a good food processor to fit my budget yet) I like my food to taste professional but feel  home made and that smoothly ground meat texture screams store bought to me. I can and have done the professional style exactly sized cuts, slices, and cubes of meats and vegetables, but I find it endearing in a dish to occasionally find that one piece of meat that is randomly twice as big as most of them, or that one piece of carrot that is a little firmer than the rest because it was just to big to cook through.

C-Bus D.-After you read my post about The Blazing Sword Burger did you check out any of  our recipes? And if so, did anything in particular catch your eye?

Jamie Noguchi-The Wasabenero Sauce definitely caught my eye. I love me a good hot sauce. The Blazing Black Bean Burger is something that I'd like to try on a grill. And I'd love to get my hands on some Mumbo Gumbo!

C-Bus D.- Let me know when you do come to Columbus and I'll whip you up some of anything on the blog. Sharing good food with interesting people is what got  me interested in cooking in the first place.

C-Bus D.-You're walking alone down a dark street late at night when all of a sudden everything goes black as a burlap sack is dragged over your head. You try to fight back but are overwhelemed by sheer numbers and loaded into a vehicle and driven for what seems like hours. The vehicle finally stops and you are unloaded like so much baggage and carried a short distance into a building where the bag is removed and as you stare blearily around there is a roar of  sound... "Surprise!" All of this has been a clever ruse by your closest friends and family to get you to a surprise birthday party three weeks before the date, so you wouldn't suspect. Spread out on a table in front of you are your five favorite foods, what are they?

Jamie Noguchi- Sushi, pizza, tacos, ramen, chili.

C-Bus D.-So, would there be vengeance for the kidnapping? Or would you let it slide because it turned out to be part of Birthday Extravaganza?

Jamie Noguchi- Oh, there would definitely be revenge for the kidnapping. But if the food is good enough, it would be less severe!

C-Bus D.-Have you ever commited arson or cooked barbeque, and if so are you a coal, gas, or wood kind of guy?

Jamie Noguchi- Not yet. We're looking to buy a grill as we just moved in to a new
house. Any suggestions?

C-Bus D.-Grilling is a pretty personal taste for most people. Gas is the most convenient, a tank lasts a good long while, the only thing you have to clean up is anything that drips from the food itself, and there is rarely any trouble getting it lit. But gas grills tend to be a bit expensive and as a cooking medium goes it doesn't really add anything in the way of flavor. Coal is the cheapest, once Spring hits damn near every gas station, dollar store, grocery store, and creepy little kid on the roadside will sell you coal for a couple bucks. It's pretty  convenient to light and adds a little bit of smokey flavor  to your food. But it is messy, hella messy. If you buy more than you'll be using right away you have to keep a bag of it stored somewhere leaking fine black powder all over your floor, if you ever use charcoal as a drawing medium you probably already know what I'm talking about, not to mention having all those burger dripping greasy ashes to dispose of afterwards. Wood is the barbeque masters method of choice, since it adds a variety of delicious smoked flavors to anything you cook on it, it stores pretty much indefinitely, and a small artfully stacked wood pile can actually look pretty nice in the yard. But it tends to be a bit more expensive if you have to buy it, and again leaves you with a lot of ash. It is also the slowest method since it can be a motherfucker to get lit and you need to wait for it to burn down most of the way before you do any cooking. Depending on your circumstances I'd usually recommend charcoal with a small selection of wood chips (apple, oak, and mesquite maybe) on hand to throw over the coals for a little extra flavor. Also, since your answer was a
little unclear on the issue I would suggest against arson, it's funny, hilarious really, but a messy and dangerous business.

C-Bus D.-If you had to pick three sauces, and only three sauces to represent the side bar for every dish you were to eat for the rest of your life, what would they be?

Jamie Noguchi- Sriracha, dijon, soy sauce.

C-Bus D.-You may or may not like pork as a meat, but regardless, in any great war sides must be chosen, do you stand with Ham, Sausage, or Bacon? You've mentioned that Bacon makes everything Ultimate, but does that mean in your eyes it stands as The Pork Supreme?

Jamie Noguchi- Oh man, that's a toughie. Sausage is freaking amazing but a perfectly cooked piece of bacon is superb. You know what, I'm gonna have to go with bacon. I was a vegetarian for a year and it was bacon that brought me back.

C-Bus D.- I stand on the side of Ham, so watch your back if it ever comes to Gladiatorial Combat, cause I know where your loyalties lie.

C-Bus D.-When do you think we'll be seeing you set up a booth at one of our many awesome conventions?

Jamie Noguchi- I would love to come out to a convention out there. I've got to get a list and see what's up.In general, if I'm ever in a new town, I like to find local places that I can't get when I'm in MD. I try to stay away from chains like the Fridays or the Ruby Tuesdays and go for something local. I mean,
that's the whole point of getting out of your town, right!

C-Bus D.- Well, Columbus is the town for it, you can barely walk a 1/4 mile without bumping into at least two small start ups. That is one of the reasons I've been putting together a restaurant review section. So many new and interesting places to try, so few dollars to spend on eating out. But, honestly, it might be worth your time to try some of our chain restaurants too, a lot of people don't know that we are the corporate testing ground for new dishes. The company I work for is a HUGE chain of restaurants and we get new menu items sometimes six months before they hit other restaurants in our chain and the feed
back that our guests give often decides if those items ever make it out of our walls.

Hangry Girl Hummus

     The first time I ever heard the term 'Hangry,' was from my Fiance Mary, who went on to explain that the term means, 'Hungry enough that it's making you angry.' But after careful observation I've learned that it tends to be more of a slow simmering fury than a simple anger, and truth be told I've felt it's effects many times in my life, I just lacked a word to explain it.
      When Mary gets in this state there is only one solution, feed her, quickly. That's why I developed 'Hangry Girl Hummus,' smooth, creamy, delicious, and most importantly, QUICK to make.

Here's what you'll need:
2 Cans Chick Peas (also called Garbanzo Beans) one drained one un-drained
1/2 Red Bell Pepper
2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
1 1/2 Tablespoon Tahini (This is a ground Sesame Seed Paste, available in the Middle-Eastern foods section of most places here on the West Side.)
2 Teaspoons Garlic Powder
2 Teaspoons Salt

Here's what you'll do:

1. Throw it all in a food processor or blender and run it on high until smooth and creamy.
2. Enjoy on Pita Bread, Crackers, Chips, or as a condiment on Sandwiches 

Or:

1. Throw it all in a food processor or blender and run it on high until smooth and creamy.
2. Pose it next to the other half of the Red Pepper on a lemon shaped cutting board with a little Cilantro sprinkled on top to emphasize its color. Then take photo's of it, like a weird food obsessed nut job. This is clearly the option I went with....

From Across the Web #2

Jamie Noguchi, author of the web comic Yellow Peril gives the world not only the gift of laughter, but this easy and delightful recipe for The Blazing Sword Burger which has the multiple benefits of being delicious, done in comic form, and being a reference to Voltron. If you are unfamiliar with Voltron, you should be ashamed.

Have you tried Ugli Fruit? You may have heard it called Unique Fruit, or Uniq Fruit, but lets be clear, it is U-G-L-Y. It looks like a Grapefruit from Chernobyl, but it's tasty, really tasty.

Have you ever wondered when it's worth it to cut the spots off the tomato and eat it anyway, and when it's time to leave it in your fridge for another week then hide it under your neighbors passenger seat? This article  will not help you with that at all, but it will help you get a better grasp on how long to store certain foods.

Redesign

     More than just a new theme, I updated the 'Recipe' and 'Restaurant Reviews' pages with links, and made sure the recipe's were categorized for easier perusal. I also added a 'Features,' page to make it easier to find articles, as well as moving the 'Pages' to the top of the screen. Hope this makes the site a little easier to navigate.

On the Topic of: Seasoning Part 1

     I know that mixing your own seasonings can be a little intimidating, they make those premixed packets for a reason right? Nobody wants to mess up dinner, friends and family looking down dejectedly, refusing to make eye contact with you, and deep down inside you know that they've lost all respect for you and you might as well just forget about going to your sisters school play or your Aunts Anniversary party. You've become a black sheep, a leper to your family, the one they keep locked in the cellar so the neighbors don't see you. But never fear, with a little practice and a little forethought you can step up in that crux moment when the fork is twixt plate and mouth and hold your head up high.
     The trick with seasonings, well, two tricks really, are:
1.      To know what the spices taste like individually. It's a wonderful thing to hear people talk about how fantastic Rosemary Chicken is, but it's entirely another thing to make a batch of it up and realize that Rosemary just happens to be one of those flavors that turns your stomach and you've ruined your dinner. With any new spice it's important to taste test it first, as much as sticks to the tip of your finger is usually enough to give you an idea. Keep in mind that what you're tasting will be diluted in the actual dish, spread throughout and mixed with the flavors of every other thing you add, so don't be disturbed if it seems a bit too strong. This is especially true in the case of certain herbs and spices that are especially powerful, Rosemary continuing to be a good example, and one that I will discuss more in the next section.
2a.      Remember that you're trying to eat delicious food, NOT spices with interesting textures. As I said above, the flavors will seem stronger when tried all alone, but until you have a little more experience with them go slow, add them a little time, taste test frequently. It's not unusual when I start trying a dish with a new spice for ten or twelve spoons to make their way into my sink before the meal is ever finished. And I learned this the hard way. The first time I tried cooking with Rosemary I added too much, I treated it like I would treat Garlic, an old familiar friend whose company I just couldn't get enough of, piled into a pot of Beef Stew like gold in a leprechaun's pot. The results were horrifying. Rosemary, when used properly adds a little Springtime freshness to any meal, when used improperly it is like a pine forest was violently ill in your mouth.
2b.      This isn't to disparage spicy food, a good bowl of Spicy Chili or a rich bowl of Curried... anything, is fantastic. Just make sure to keep it balanced so you're tasting food, not just spice. Tender tubers, mouthfuls of meats,  vivid vegetables, perfect pasta, they're all just as important as the seasonings you use, every flavor there to balance and sustain every other in harmony. Eventually it becomes second nature, keeping that balance in mind, remembering each flavor individually and as a community, but until it does, just take it slow and keep what I've said in mind, not because I'm some kind of Seasoning Guru, just because, for whatever crazy reason, I genuinely care how your dinner turns out.