Better than So-So Tso's Sauce

Pictured with our creepy Oreo Panda Cookie jar.

     Ah, General Tso's, the quintessential 'Chinese,' food. sweet, tangy, and most of all spicy.But what makes the dish so appealing? What draws people to it no matter what region of the United States they inhabit? Why, the sauce obviously, that rich, red concoction that leaves our mouths watering and our foreheads dripping spice induced sweat.
     It has an 'exotic' flavor that makes sure few home cooks feel up to the task of making it, when in reality it is extremely simple and is a sauce with staying power, lasting up to 2 weeks in the refrigerator and 2 months in the freezer so you can make it on a day off and enjoy it on even the busiest work day.

Here's what you'll need:
1 1/2 Cups Brown Sugar
1/2 Cup White Vinegar
1/2 Cup Rice Vinegar
1/2 Cup Cooking Sherry
1/2 Cup Low Sodium Soy Sauce
3/4 Cup Soy Sauce (1/4 cups reserved)
1/4 Cup White Sugar
2 Tablespoons Vegetable Oil
12 Dried Arbol Chili Peppers
2 Tablespoons Fresh Ground Ginger (Powdered Ginger is almost as good)
2 Tablespoons Cornstarch
1 Tablespoon Garlic Powder
1 Tablespoon Sesame Seed Oil
1 Teaspoon Black Pepper
1 Teaspoon Red Pepper
1 Teaspoon White Pepper
1/2 Teaspoon Cardamom

Here's what you do:

1. Mix Rice Vinegar, White Vinegar, Cooking Sherry, Soy Sauce, Low-Sodium Soy Sauce, Vegetable Oil, Sesame Oil, and Chili Peppers in a medium sauce pan and simmer over low heat for 5 minutes.
2. Add all spices, Brown Sugar, and White Sugar and stir until the sugars are fully dissolved.
3. Whisk together the 1/4 Cup Soy Sauce you had reserved and Cornstarch and whisk into to the sauce pan until the mixture reaches the consistency of thin pancake syrup.
4. Enjoy over Tso Simple Chicken, Chicken Patty Sandwhiches, Ramen Noodles, White Rice or anything you like.   Makes approximately 5 cups of sauce. 

Tso Simple Chicken

And now for...

MAD SCIENCE OR BAD SCIENCE with Bob and Ross

Today's Experiment Better Than So-So Cocoa Tso's

Ross-"Careful Bob, that's 3 Tablespoons of pure undiluted Hershey's Special Dark Cocoa Powder."
Bob-" There is no time for caution Ross, what we do, we do.... FOR SCIENCE!"
Ross quickly stirs the seething mass of fluid, then as it subsides both of our daring scientists throw caution to the wind and use themselves as Guinea Pigs, sampling the mixture.

Ross- "Test tubes and testosterone Bob, give me that and a beer and an hour alone!"
Bob- "Hmm... the cocoa seems to tone down the sweetness of the sauce, it brings out the spice but almost seems to make less biting, more of a slow burn like the passion of a good lover. Oh my yes, I think we'll have to file this one away under MAD SCIENCE!"